Breakfast with Genghis Khan

Wherever you are. Whatever you do.
Enjoy.

Good diving holidays are not exactly the same thing as tea bag diving (put your gear on, submerge, get out of the water, pay, go) and sometimes it's prudent to expect some unexpected things to happen. You may meet people that you would never met at your office, you may decide for reunions later on...

What you should pay attention to?

 

a) that you are not desperately looking for solutions to all your problems

b) that you do not take life too seriously

c) that you put nice things up front and depressing things on a back burner

d) that you are not late for next day dive trip

 

Diving holidays can fill your mind and heart with rainbow that can last (literary) for ages. Or they can be just another fashionable waste of time and money.

Basically the very same thing that's happening to our lives...

 

Probably you already noticed that different pubs, clubs, gatherings attract rather different type of people. And you developed preferences which you like, which you tolerate and which you do not like at all.

Same goes for diving centers.

Beside selecting a dive shop where at least somebody knows a few basic things about scuba diving (not an easy task in Pemuteran area), it really makes sense to figure out which one will offer you what you are looking for. Good diving, good company...

Which dive center is the best?

As two dive shops are not breathing the same philosophy, as two divers are not the same, I have no final answer for you.

If we are excellent for some, it doesn't mean we are excellent for everybody.

 

Really good news:

So far none of our divers complained that after having a great diving holidays with us, meeting a soul mate on dive trips, spending some beautiful time in our village – has ended with a “Breakfast with Genghis Kan...”

I like to take my breakfasts on my own.

Are you rich?

Gold encrusted pearls, sweet rainbow, treasures all around me...

First try to figure out what being rich means?

 

a) amount of cash big enough that you have serious problem to spell the figure correctly

b) property so big that tax people are getting multiple orgasms by just thinking about taxing it

c) more expensive cars in your stable that neighbor can afford

d) credit card so black, that you can buy happiness with it

 

This one is really simple. All answers are correct. Every idiot knows this. Stress in the last sentence is on a second word.

Many tried this way. Many are trying right now.

Rate of success: zero.

Somehow it just doesn't work.

 

Am I disgusted by money, by property? Am I the leading guru of the “Poverty Is My Heaven” cult?

Not exactly.

I am not working for peanuts.

But I do not tend to salivate over accumulated euros, dollars...

They make my days comfortable.

I can take you for the best “kremschnitte”, without worrying if I will have to wash dishes as I can not pay the bill.

But there is no price tag on sparks in your eyes and heart. If I'm really rich I can turn them on. And your smile. And your...

 

Being rich (or for that matter happy, sad, troubled, miserable, ecstatic...) is not a number.

It's a state of mind.

When I don't crave for something out of my reach but I am full of cravings for what I have.

Good, old music; trusted books; cats ruling the Winter Castle; biting your shoulder; walks that lead to destinations or to no destination; pasta with basilica sauce; laces and ...; switched off plasma TV; burning logs telling their tales...

Discounts (unarmed robberies)

Lowest possible offer is the best.
Book now!

Bali accommodation, scuba diving, foot massage and heart surgery at lowest prices!

Tempting? Irresistible? Go for it?

You think it takes a serious full time idiot to fall for something like this? I don't think so. An average brain-washed consumer will happily go for it.

And before you declare me crazy, verruckte, out of my mind..., take a brief look at the world around you.

Just think over this definitely demented scenario:

 

Upon meeting a seemingly well-off stranger, he says:

“Would you mind paying a part of my bill?

True, I don't know you, we've just met, but you should understand I don't want to spend my money for the service or product I want. I would prefer to spend your money for my pleasures, you know.

So, probably you will foot at least a part of my bill.”

 

What would your reaction at a request like this be?

 

a) would you mind changing your shrink, moron!

b) bloody fashionably dressed beggar, take a hike!

c) are you asking for a kick in the ass to restart you?!

d) oh, yes, of course, how much would you need exactly...

 

As insane as it may sound, but answer d is most frequent nowadays.

No, not only at business transactions patients at funny farms conduct, also in some other areas. Practically in every segment of “how-to-fuck-consumer business”.

 

Trend started when businesses figured out how easy is to trick customers into illusion that value for money and price are synonyms. And customers are salivating when buying foul smelling shit at discounted price.

 

Price: 115

To grow a beautiful, fragrant, deep red rose costs 100. Price includes bread and butter for all involved in the process. And after including a spoonful of jam for the business owner, price for customer is 115.

This rose will make you happy when you see it, smell it, remember it...

 

Price: 69

To get a piece of shit on a stick costs 3. Price includes a handful of rice for all involved in the process. And after including a medium size warehouse of jam for the business owner, price for customer is only 69.

And a flower is a flower. If your ungrateful partner will stick it up your ass, well, call it collateral damage.

 

Service sector is same excellent for this strategy.

Imagine you are running an insurance company. If you intend to pay the claims as they arise, you will have to charge serious premiums to your clients.

If you run new age “competitive pricing” insurance company you can lower your rates as much as the market “demands”. Of course, your base policy is, you will reject all the claims and fine print in your contracts is sufficient for a rewrite of “War and Peace”...

 

It's rather clear what kind of business can afford to offer discounts, special offers, bottom prices etc...

Who is fucked over and who is getting fat in this perverse “competitive pricing” economy is not so difficult to figure out.

Or is it?

 

 

Cheap scuba diving and cooking classes in Bali

An exemplary Balinese cheap diving shit hole proudly displaying PADI logo

Bad news:

Price of decent and safe diving includes also time, knowledge, dedication and money professionals put in their dive operations. And if you are looking for professionalism, safety and pleasure you will simply have to say goodbye to some of your beloved euros or dollars.

Good news:

If you are absolutely positive you do not need and/or want professionals, reliable equipment and safety you can save up dramatically on diving prices. Blind eye of local government and PADI allows for a boom of dirt cheap, fake PADI dive traps in our area.

 

You simply have to disregard some really not important things, as for instance:

 

- oxygen first aid kit

- pure air filtering system

- dive professionals who are still members of reputable dive training organizations

- equipment maintained by a certified professional

- some basic knowledge of scuba diving

...

Who will pay for all this shit nobody really needs?!

And who cares about all these anyhow?

 

If you are trying to be a winner of another Darwin award, this is an excellent way to start.

What you should avoid at any cost if you want to save for a couple of extra beers?

 

a) genuine PADI resorts found on PADI web pages – some of them take safety too seriously

b) dive centers run according to ISO standards

c) dive centers where they require your diving licenses and logbooks

d) and of course dive safety Nazis who use a nice part of your beloved money for your safety

 

Thanks God, those terrible, restrictive, professionally run, safety conscious establishments are in Pemuteran more rare than decent coffee shops in England.

 

And there are plenty of fantastic possibilities for those looking for very, very cheap and very exciting adventures. All brilliantly clever self taught economists (OK, a little tightfisted, when it comes to their own well-being) will get exactly what they are looking for.

 

And, dear funny divers, please keep in mind dive shop is a dive shop – only prices are different.

Same goes for choosing your dentist.

A dentist in U.S. of A. charging 190 US$ for a service is a dentist.

And a dentist on a street in Calcutta, India charging 3 US$ for the same service is a dentist.

 

Even the most notorious competitors for Darwin award like to think they are not trading their health and life for a few dollars difference.

Right to believe in illusions is universal.

Green Bali

Our vans are powered by solar power

Greater consumption hogs we are in everyday life, more green, eco friendly, bio... holidays we are looking for.

What is Easy Divers Bali doing to meet your noble expectations?

 

a) for your land transfers our vans use solar power

b) we recycle air you breathe by filtering and re-oxygenating it

c) we refuse to wash your dirty T-shirts and underwear

d) we do not allow you to use our wi-fi hot spot

 

We insist on solar powered vans for our dive transfers. Solar in Bali costs 4.200 Rp a liter and is called diesel fuel in English.

 

We developed a brilliant method to control CO2 levels in the atmosphere. When you exhale through your regulator, while diving with us, your exhaled air with increased amount of CO2 will be filtered through oxygen rich pure ocean before reaching the surface. This method is unique and extremely effective in reducing level of CO2 in atmosphere.

 

Through the time plankton, fish, corals all developed same freaky taste I have. We hate detergent in our cocktails. So, don't expect we will wash your dirty laundry here. Maybe you could just keep the same towel for a day longer...:)

 

Electric power (used for your e-exchanges) is the purest one. It comes from the wall socket without any pollution to the environment. Except in some extremely rare, obscure cases where they produce it in power plants running on coal, oil or with help of very safe nuclear reactors (Chernobyl, Three Mile Island, Fukushima...) And just because of these really rare cases – no internet for you here.

 

So, our perfect plan to be eco friendly by booking a simple bungalow on a (once) pristine beach with A/C, hot water in bathroom, clean smelling towels and sheets... is going down the drain and straight into the ocean...

 

Can we transform pollution and garbage we generate day after day into smelling roses? Maybe not, however, if we just try to minimize our impact on the environment it's a nice step in the right direction...

 

Am I an ecological saint?
No.

I'm still a smoker

A midnight sinner

And a dreamer :)

Choices

Starting the day.

Solve the paperwork mess?

Answer emails? Switch on the telephone?

Or just listen to some music?

For most of our actions we have several choices.

What is the determining and enlightened factor for deciding about my choices?
 

a) my wisdom and brilliant mind

b) my fantastic ability to listen to advices of more experienced

c) my supernatural ability of filtering out the wrong choices

d) my ego filled with bullshit
 

Tough question. All first three answers rather brilliantly denote my decision making processes. Which one best describes my decision-making processes?

a? b? c?

Maybe it would be easier to find a proper answer for others. Hmm, d sounds appropriate for most of you.

By simple extrapolation of this fact I have the appropriate answer for me.

Hmm, d.
 

Is it really so bad? Well, it's not question of bad or good. It's a mere fact. And no panic necessary, I will not start ranting about e-corruption of human minds and hearts (or better what's left of them). This phenomena is at least ten thousand years old. Well, that's what I can remember.

In the essence any decision I make is fulfilling my ego, serving my pleasures (and often adding a bucket of bullshit).

Of course my brilliant mind will justify at least rationality of the decision with all possible advantages.

Question “Do I need this?” is silenced with all the “advantages” if I follow my cravings. My reasoning glides into “I need this holidays...”, “I need this new glasses...”
 

After this train of thoughts clicked some switches somewhere between my ears I can simply enjoy in deciding for holidays and this glasses just because I like them. And to hell with the price.

When we would like to do something for our little monster (ego), is it absolutely necessary we disguise the action into some altruistic or at least rational act?

Maybe, just maybe, this is not so necessary.
 

If I find pleasure in sharing a delicious meal with you, why shouldn't I enjoy in feeding my ego?

From time to time :)

Investment in Bali

An upscale beachfront restaurant
waitnig for an investor

After serious research (three week holiday in Bali), you decided to invest here. You need trusted experts for a feasibility study.

Which would be the best?

a) local beach bums or self proclaimed agents

b) proud, self absorbed expat owners of cockroach and rat infested resorts

c) taxi drivers

d) St. Peter

ad a)

You will learn that you, as a foreigner, are not allowed to invest in Indonesia, but, as they feel sorry for you, they will accept the burden of property for you. You will just give money and they will be the owners of whatever you want to establish.

Be careful: before you pass the money ask them at least two times if they are straight, so you are sure your business transaction is secure.

Ad b)

With expats like these you will learn even more. They hate each other guts, and join their forces only to spit on other people. If you are not aficionado of cockroaches, food poisoning etc, don't stay at their world-class resorts, just visit for a cup of shitty coffee and mention you have a couple of hundred thousand dollars to invest. Fabulous experience guaranteed.

Ad c)

One of the duties of taxi drivers in Bali is also to help investors in Bali. If you impress the guy properly, maybe he will allow you to transfer your funds to his family and start a fantastic business in Klungkung. If you later on can not a find a way to Klungkung, it's only good. It will save you additional stress.

Ad d)

St. Peter once told me this story:

“A guy died and came to my door. I checked the book for his good and bad deeds. Perfect balance. Where to send him? Heaven? Hell?

I decided to let him choose on his own.

But he was a clever guy. He asked me first for a tour in both places before deciding.

OK. Heavens with a little too much of draft, constant singing, no real action didn't really impress him.

Hell with all the dark places, mean music, whiskey, half naked table dancers he found more acceptable.

After his final decision he went to hell.

Two devils threw him into boiling oil, third started to beat him stupid...

The guy started to scream as mad: “This is the wrong place!!! Take me to the right one!!!”

Place was the same, just on his first visit he was a tourist, now he's an investor.”

If you are after this input feeling lost, insecure, put down, not sure what to do now – maybe, just maybe, you could reconsider your approach to investment.