Thursday, December 27, 2012

Xmas, New Year, Klungkung

All the fish of one sweet rainbow...

For those who still haven't got it.
It's holidays time!!!!

No lectures. No tests. No preaching.

Time for wishes and important decisions.
Some ideas:
...work less, sin more, enjoy fully, breathe in life, exhale what you don't need...
you get my drift? :)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Doomsday

Doomsday - photo documentation

The end of the world... documented. With time stamp. With Nothingness at all its glory.

That's it disciples of mine.

I warned you some time ago. Our days are numbered.
When disappearing mango pie and apocalyptic big red ant cross their 62nd hyper dimensional paths on an illusional ceramic plate (which happens every 1.657.362 years and few minutes) everything will disappear.
Not just you and the Earth. Not just our galaxy. Not just our Universe.
All these I could still cope with.
But just to think even all the enormity and glory of human stupidity gone forever...

Oh, me, myself, oh, I, great master of keyboards and undisclosed bank accounts, can I prevent the Final Tragedy?!
There is a tiny speck of light in the darkness of your despair.
Maybe, just maybe, I will save Everything again.
Do not despair! I'm still here to help you...
What you should do now?

a) reroute all the negative energy accumulated in your bank accounts to my account
b) promise immediately you will worship me forever with your credit cards
c) you will send me Thank you notes (US$, €...) every day
d) you will polish my new Aston Martin every day

My followers, I know, Prozac you can not get any more even on a black market, internet is fried from calls for help, pizza delivery is late and you are freaking out (well, at least this is normal)...
Only solid rock in this turbid times you find with me.
Trust me.
Rely on me.
Believe me.
I know exactly what is the best for you, my fantastically enlightened followers.

How real is this danger you can see from photo of Everything taken tomorrow (22nd of December, at 12.13), exactly one minute after The End.
The best scientists from major universities tried to find traces of Andromeda, your boss' favorite coffee mug, pyramids at Giza, your missed opportunities - nothing. Nothing!!!

Just say Thank you, oh, Master! in somewhat larger amounts and tomorrow morning I'll save you and and you and you...

Uh, just to do all the i's and cross all the t's.
In a very unlikely event, if I would mess up something tomorrow, guys, it's been a pleasure.
It's been an honor.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mango, mango pie, mango jam & you

Now take your silk panties and clean the screen! Don't lick the screen!

Here you can smell, taste and even see a properly prepared and properly served mango pie.
State the most important reasons why you should not eat this mango pie:

a) whatever is too good for you is anyhow illegal or at least immoral
b) it is against certain religious principles
c) this one is served only in Bali and you prefer to stay in dark, damp, cold climate
d) this greedy diver can go ballistic, if you would only think about it

Yes, several very good reasons not to go after mango pie. No worries. I will finish it all. Slowly. Savoring every bite.
However, as you are my best friends, I will allow you to make some apple pie, blueberry cake and similar godly pastries for me during my holidays in cold parts of the globe.

We did try to create a replica of this mango pie one winter in European mountains. Due to creativity of the chef it's been flavored even with dark chocolate, she added a touch of genuine mango jam to fresh mango slices and it's survival time was much shorter than creation time. This said I don't have to explain how delicious it's been.

Fusion cuisine definitely has it's merits.
Mediterranean cuisine can be gently infused into Balinese cuisine and vice versa.
Or ultra delicious Slovenian dumplings stuffed with ripe plums, topped with buttered breadcrumbs and sugar and flavored with cinnamon. Ripe mango instead of plums – and we have a tropical variety...
However, there are some things that require proper location, time, company..., to give us full pleasure. Sipping from freshly open coconut on a tropical beach is a touch different from sipping it in front of the fireplace somewhere in the snow covered mountains.
Or having a shot of home-made ice cold cherry brandy after a long walk in the snow will keep your juices flowing. Doing this in tropical climate will probably just make you hug the earth...

So, wisdom of the day: some things can come to us, for some things we have to move our asses.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Wisdom comes with age

Also Sprach Zarathustra...



As you are getting older and older and even older... you definitely need some consolation to compensate for your ailing overall status. Have some compassionate help from your scuba diving Highlander.
You can always find comfort in some facts describing your life:

a) you are getting too old too soon, and smart too late
b) wisdom comes with age, and too often age will visit you on her own
c) you successfully fucked up 99,99% of highlights of your life (mostly for false morality reasons)
d) you are too old to rock'n'roll and too young to die

Are you already pissed off with a kind of a “help” I'm offering to you?
Good. Very good.
Direct this negative feeling to all the constraints preventing you to live your life to the maximum extent. Annihilate all the cages, chains, obstacles. Be yourself.

And don't try to sell me the crap that you are already what you really are. Crash course workshops teachings how to love yourself, to be yourself are efficient just for reducing your funds. Crap you bring to this workshops on weekends you carry again on Mondays...

Yes, you are really a lucky person to encounter such a gentle, compassionate (I do hope you add wise automatically!) guru as me...
By luring you into being free, being what you really are I by no means do not urge you to open your Pandora box of hidden hates.
So, please don't jump out of your cave and shoot the neighbor, because you hate the way he is closing the lid on a garbage can.
No.
Open the other box, box full of beautiful feelings.
Allow yourself to approach with a smile, a nice word, somebody you find charming. Very soon you will find out you find charming persons everywhere. A tired girl working at a supermarket, a helpful librarian, a masculine fireman, a girl with sparks in her eyes and her heart…
You give them some of your (beats me why, but usually extremely well hidden) love and you will be rewarded.
You will not just forget about irritation your brain damaged boss is causing, you will find out food tastes better, the sky smells sweeter, the clouds are whispering nice things to you...
And you will somehow start receiving what you are spreading around you.

Yes, a touch different workshop than the ones you can book at your favorite esoteric “Special offers gurus”...

You don't have to work on this.
You don't have to stare into nothingness for hours and claim you are absorbed into The Navel of The Final Truth.
You are not expected to use (waste) half of your life to find yourself. Even if you haven't noticed yet, you already are.
A pearl. A piece of shit. An angel.
Depends on the time of the day and shoes you wear.
You don't have to pay the deposit, the bill or donation for this.

Summa summarum:
No work, so we can eliminate word work from workshop.
No shopping, as I am not selling you anything, so we can eliminate word shop.
Remains nothing.
And nothing can be sometimes even nicer gift than everything.

I sincerely hope, that this brilliant, inspirational, eloquent masterpiece is not in any way offending to shit selling new age gurus.

As one of my not so bright students pronounced on a good day:

“Let it be... Naked.” P. McCartney, 2003

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Passion, scuba diving, love

Destination: Cloud No.9




Determine what is common to passionate love making and passionate scuba diving!

a) passion
b) sensation of flying through the moonlight at high noon
c) importance of the buddy
d) all of the above

Dear, valued disciple of mine!
If you have spend more than a second before choosing d, well, stone yourself with facebook...

Without a good dose of hot-blooded passion, well, in the best case scenario, it is more or less like smelling the roses with a gas mask on your face.

Your ordinary dulled senses are fantastically enhanced. New input is exploding inside you. You feel like a blind guy who discovers he's not really blind, just wearing a hat two sizes too big.

A buddy that becomes a part of you and you are a part of your partner. Endless, time limited yet eternal eons of pleasures absorbing both of you... And again...
A touch better idea than a partner who will comply with words: “If you really want it but didn't we do it just few days ago...?”

Maybe you would like to know am I talking about love making or scuba diving?
Hmm...

If there is still room in your e-fried brains for temptation to try this and you are attacking google for manuals like Open Water Diver Manual and Kamasutra, well, it's a long way to go...
A very long way...
These manuals are like a manual for your DVD player. Plug in, press play, press escape and so on...
But no hint in this manual why to get Akira Kurosawa “Seven Samurai” and how to immerse into the three and half hours of a different universe...



Thursday, November 22, 2012

Immerse

Do you want to see what's beneath the surface?


Is it illegal or just e-socially unacceptable to deeply immerse into anything?
Immerse so deeply you forget for the time being about shopping, politics, your ex, your future, work...
 
a) not exactly, however, your controllers are definitely not pleased with you
b) ideas to immerse in a book, walk with a friend, under the water are becoming rather alien
c) total immersion can open your mind and you will be ostracized from e-reality
d) it can make you feel a human (absolute mortal e-sin)

To exorcize ideas from a to d you are welcome to immerse into a shopping spree, political discussions, talking without saying anything...
Immerse into skimming the surface.
Remember: just the surface.
Of life, feelings, thoughts, believes...
An interesting new religion.
Some renegades call it a slaughterhouse of the souls.
 
However, if you prefer less crowded places, join the limited membership club where people are not yet e-people, where people still share laughs, feelings, jokes, wisdoms, ice creams, silence...
We can really indulge in immersion.
These immersions are not limited just bellow the surface of blue waters.
Immersing in our old friends (or newly met friends), immersing in new surroundings, immersing in hellishly hot chilli sauce, immersing in tranquility, immersing in the soul of blue planet and purging all the ballast from our overloaded minds.

For such a rainbow dive trips we do not need photos for memory.

They become part of our souls.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Almost

Oops...

Can you remember any occasions you used this word?
 
Starting with “a close call” meaning as in: I almost got swallowed by a pigmy sea horse, I almost forgot where my head is... and escalating into total failures on your timeline...
 
a) I almost survived the car crash (on a tombstone)
b) I almost got back to my ideal weight
c) I almost reached the rainbow
d) I almost quit smoking
 
And about 1.465.876.389 other occasions. Rather an impressive number of failures. That's what “almost” denotes, isn't it?
Sometimes this almost is highly undesired.
Patient almost survived a fantastic procedure of a brilliant surgeon...
A diver almost got his hand on a secure outcrop, however, as it happens...
 
How to stop feeling (deservedly) that you are developing into a perfect impersonation of a failure?
 
Eliminate all the “almost” accompanying you.
Aim your artillery lower.
 
As long as you are shooting at the stars (a to d and some others), your old cannonball will fly from one miss to another. Aim to something you are able to hit.
 
I will eat this delicious Sacher cake.
I won't do anything productive all day.
I will watch other people working their asses of.
I will show a mental finger to anybody telling me to start working.
I will not abuse and overheat my brain to try to understand the world.
And so on...
 
Almost no need for dreaded "almost" at achieving these goals :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Job applications - scuba instructors

Pick me, I am so unique...

Without proper references, who the hell you think will employ you?
 
Of course you are a fabulous diver, a fantastic team player, willing to work 24/7, invaluable asset for any company, willing to work your ass off for peanuts, you are IT genius, you know all about diving and you are willing to learn more...
 
And yes, I am always impressed when I read your statements about your extensive divers data base. And willingness of both divers to follow you to your new place of work.
 
Great, but can you present verified documents clearly confirming that you meet at least basic requirements for this job:

a) you successfully managed Kindergarten for more than 3 years
b) you got decorated as a drill sergeant at Marine boot camp
c) you are direct descendant of Confucius and Mother Teresa
d) you know where to get the best ice cream

In a very unlikely event you are not able to produce these documents, you can keep your apple polishing job at insurance company.

Give me a break. It's no fun opening application after application with only one difference - your name.
I hope you got the point?
 
With a long list of "copy – paste" superlatives in your application you will not even get a reply. However, you may send a “Thank you” note to imbeciles advising you how to prepare a good C.V.

Don't look for a shoulder to cry on.
Better establish and test your values first.

Start working in diving business wherever you are.
Deadwood, South Dakota; outbacks of Paris, France; Scotland; Swiss Alps; rolling hills of Slovenia... Let know divers you are willing to share your expertise with them. You find divers everywhere (with possible exceptions of Tamanraset in Algeria and Nylam, Tibet).
Let them know how much you expect in compensation for your work!
You will pass or fail first reality check.

If successful, continue. Offer them a trip you will organize for them. Clearly state they will pay you for your work.
Again success? Repeat customers?
Continue.

Think about opening your own dive business or joining forces with an established one or answer to businesses looking for your services.

And in a while you will start receiving applications “I am a dream of every dive shop operator, you must hire me...”. And the circle is unbroken.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

To dive or not to dive

Huh, what was the question...?



This subject is so gravely serious that I have to address it properly. Sarcasm, humor, a strong dose of cynicism, some facts and a gentle kick in the ass would maybe do the job.
Is it absolutely essential that every aqua-phobic human engages in scuba diving just because this activity is so in?

a) no
b) no
c) no
d) no
 
As the art of swallowing the sword is not exactly for everyone, also scuba diving is not exactly for everyone.

In a nutshell, if you want just to prove something with scuba diving, please, please, please! just find something else.
As I see scuba diving, this shouldn't be an exercise in survival. Flailing arms and legs may represent a freaked out Shiva on amphetamines in a theater, however, we are talking about diving here.
Eyes bigger than a mask somehow do not necessarily represent a person enjoying in a nice, tranquil activity.
Frantically grabbing for non existent handles under the water to climb and escape from terrible wet environment to safety of his or hers cave looks at the best of the times pathetic.
 
On the other hand, if you have a true desire, you would really like to experience something so far reserved only for gods, do it, immerse in the waters.
I enjoy being in the water with seasoned professionals, highly experienced divers or absolute beginners getting their first impressions of scuba diving.
You may be fearless, your anxiety may be elevated – as long as you soak in the beauty of diving I am your best friend.
If your first steps towards levitation are a little hesitant or awkward, I will guide you slowly and gently.
If you glide through the water as a lazy, dreamy piece of stardust, my soul will smile with you.

And from time to time, I will do some solo, meditation diving, for my soul and souls of all my friends :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dive briefing

Absolute attention to the instructor...

Dive briefings are extremely important for our dive safety and pleasure.
So, when I conduct my dive briefings:
 
a) divers are paying maximum attention
b) they are memorizing the crucial information
c) they are mesmerized by my eloquent explanation
d) and definitely not laughing their heads off
 
All true, very true - except...
 
As any story, also this one has some minor exceptions. When diving with a charming Chinese princess, things became a touch more sparkling...
 
 
First, I would like to make it clear, that at the moment this picture was taken:
I was not explaining to her that a 2 centimeter long and 3 millimeters thick translucent worm living on a gorgonia fan coral is definitely not trying to eat her.
Also I was not explaining that best part of chicken in banana leaf is inside the leaf, not the leaf itself.
 
So, what the heck caused this laughing outburst?!
As she nearly caused a heart attack to her fiancee with repeating the most feared sign deep down and activated my powers of The Dark Prince of Blue Waters to calm the situation, back on the boat I felt I had to explain to her some things again.
At the moment this photo was taken, I've been just explaining some possible critical situations under the water and the best ways to avoid or solve them...
My explanation was obviously right on the target, as after the outburst of laughter she simply declared, you will be my buddy on next dives and there will be no critical situations.
 
Looks like she deeply believes in ancient diving wisdom.
 
Every woman deserves a man who can make her laugh, who will take her deep down and safely back, who will know how to enjoy in her beautiful presence and will get her a good ice cream after diving.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Close Encounters

Hello...

Situation: you are deep down, watching a small flat worm, worming his way around. Depth 36 meters. Air pressure 170 bar, dropping. Remaining bottom time: critical. You look up and you are face to face (if you can call it a face) with an alien.
What you should do?

a) press ctrl+alt+del immediately
b) remove regulator and start chanting “Me friend, me friend, no enemy!”
c) hot-wire your Galileo computer into FB and post your last post
d) say “Hello, dear mother-in-law...”

I decided to ask this friendly cuttle fish, what was her perception of an encounter with a diver. Poor thing was in a state of total shock, so we had to wait for a while, until she was able to express herself.
 
Then she burst: “What a horrible thing!!! This ugly thing was holding a snake head in its mouth (regulator?) and waving its terrible tentacles (legs and arms?) and coming closer and closer!!! I will have nightmares for a while... How these grotesque creatures breed?! If they would come close to each other, they would start screaming in terror and not copulating... Must be wireless breeding...”

Looks like long, shapely legs, dreamy eyes and sweet smile can attract certain creatures and fill with ultimate horror another creature.

When traveling, especially to more exotic places, we experience a part of this xenophobia. Color of skin, cultural differences, habits, believes, shape of the nose, religions, perceptions... everything can be a little strange.
And what is strange to us we can translate into dangerous, hateful, to be eliminated. And here we go, brave, top positioned animals on the planet...

I try to work on lessening my xenophobia by working in one exotic place (Bali) and taking holidays in another exotic place (Slovenia). However, if I start screaming when you will wave your arms and try to hug me at our reunion, well, workshop positive results are still in process...:)

Thursday, October 11, 2012

My diving history

It all started once upon a time...

As a nice girl really nicely remarked, this BCD speaks volumes about my age. Probably she meant experience. Who can blame these young things for improper use of the words...:)

However, the question is, how did it all start? And when?

a) as I've been never very savvy with technicalities, I asked for help my friend Leonardo
b) signor Da Vinci constructed an interesting apparatus
c) since then I've been testing, using and enjoying this device
d) and today you can see poor imitations all over the world

Even if my abused memory can not provide exact day and date of the first scuba attempts, I can say it's been probably a couple of Fridays back. Maybe even a touch longer?

However, in 20th century they decided you need a license for practically any activity. For driving a car, flying a plane, double zero license to..., different license again for scuba diving, today probably taking a girl out for a dinner requires a license as well...

I would like to stress out my fantastic achievements, when qualifying for different recreational levels of scuba diving. I passed all the courses without killing, permanently disabling or putting in a nut house my overly stressed instructor.

During boring first few, shallow water training dives I tried to make it a little more interesting and I showed him my ability to perform a good solo, limited visibility dive in overhead environment. OK, it was not intended, it just happened.

He's been on the verge of freaking out, getting a heart attack, but somehow he made it. I heard him crying at nights and mumbling in his sleep “Don't do this!!!! No...!!!”

However, he managed to survive and sign all the needed applications... and I became an esteemed member of recreational scuba diving community.

What I've been doing in the name of scuba diving in Adriatic, Red Sea and some other spots remains classified for 99 years.

This fantastic start has been as a clear message from Poseidon to me. I am destined to be a professional diver.

As it frequently happens to ex-alcoholics, ex-insurance company directors, ex-mass murderers, ex-smokers and similar pillars of our society, that they become most fundamentalist preachers of the right ways, something similar happened to me.

As a professional diver I started a crusade against crazy, dangerous ways of diving.

My goal is rather simple and realistic. A piece of apfelstrudel...

To convert some careless divers  to do it more safely, to close down shitty dive joints, to convince big certifying agencies to stop issuing licenses as candies to people who never passed the basic standards for diving.

For more info visit me in one of my offices :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Connected or alienated?

Purrring gurus

The worst fear of 21st century.
Attacking tiger? No. Starvation to death? No. Falling from a height? No. Death? No.
Are we connected deeply enough? Aaahh! Truly fearsome! Oh, Lord, please, do not disconnect me...!
 
a) as long as you receive my electrons and I receive your electrons, yes, we are deeply connected
b) we are fantastically connected as long as the dark forces of evil do not kill internet
c) I love the shape of electrons you send to me
d) and you love the sound of electrons dropping on your screen

Not long ago I received a message in the email signature “Do you know that 93% of businesses are present on facebook, twitter, blogger...? Are you?”

I couldn't help myself not to add another fact about businesses and a question of my own.
“Do you know that only 7% of businesses are exceeding customers expectations...?
In which group is your business?”

Maybe you are wondering how it is possible for such an antediluvian diver as I am, to be present in virtual universe at all.
I would really like to take all the credit for the masterpieces published on Thursdays on this blog and occasional spark on FB. But credit to whom it's due.
As I am rather good at delegating jobs and tasks, I've been wise enough to ask my purrring gurus for some assistance. Believe me, without their help this bloody machines would already start their unsought flying lessons...

When mama guru Ficko looks at me with an expression “Are you out of your mind?!”, I just delete the last paragraph...
And when our chief guru Mazi decides to lay on a keyboard, it's a clear sign to switch off machinery, we go to bed and continue reading (purrring) a book...
And when I am toying with a new idea I just listen to their purrring...

A lot of good diving; delicious, spicy food; fascinating company from all the places in the world; reading books and sleeping with a furry guru; strong coffee in the morning – and I can cope even with virtual world :)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Bali and expectations

Eat your heart out, we are in Bali!

Why so many people are working their asses off throughout the year to afford themselves some exotic holidays?

a)      to impress their peers
b)      to solve the problems of the miserable life in three week vacation
c)      to absorb all the wisdom they missed so far
d)      or just to boost the pleasures of their lives a notch more

OK, as nobody (especially not me!) admits a, b or c are proper answers, so d is the answer.

Ad a) For instance, I would never do something just to impress somebody. Stupid! Really stupid! Probably, dear reader, you are much the same.
I would rather very casually remark in conversations: “Oh, this coffee is almost as good as at Costas’ in Doha…” or “This meal is close to Anka’s reunion feasts…”, or “Changi in Singapore is The Airport and not that “Schlamperei” in Frankfurt…”
Those who’ve been there and done that will nod approvingly; those poor devils who have never been anywhere or done anything will just stare at me, quasi God of trendsetting.
Yeah, here we go…:)

Ad b) If I manage to salt away a couple of thousands of Euros, change the climate, environment, everything…  yes! My problems will dissolve, my closest will really appreciate the effort and money I’ve put into this curing holidays. I will be understood, loved, respected by people I care about.
The only slight problem with this method is, it doesn’t work.

Ad c) I know wisdom is just waiting for me. Frankly, she is really anxious to embrace me!
With all the tasks from my job, family obligations, social obligations, there is just no opportunity for wisdom to get in touch with me.
Well, pure wisdom can choose to meet me (or not) when I am watching my maid cleaning the windows, when I am trying to make my rebellious computer to work again, while enjoying a delicious spicy meal or when I am meditating somewhere below the surface…

Ad d) I enjoy most if not all of the moments in my life.
From a walk in the rain to the empty waterfront, smell of fresh coffee during the break, a road trip with my friend on a weekend, shopping in a village store, hectic and amusing activity at work…
And to boost the feeling “Life is good…”, I just immerse into Bali way of life for a while…
Yeah, d should be the answer leading us to Bali or any other holiday destination :)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Just diving

Master Divers of Bali

This slightly faded photo is another proof that longer you dive, longer you live.

    - combined age of our BCDs probably exceeding your age, dear reader
    - combined number of dives a nice 5 digit number
    - combined age of three of us would make Methuselah look like a baby
    - combined pleasure of our diving together is..., well. not bad at all…:)

When the goal is pure, good diving advanced age is inconsequential.
When the goal is pure business, we come to some controversial concepts.
Is generation I (infants) our next target group for selling scuba pleasures?
    a) if we extrapolate tendencies of some scuba diving training agencies, this is a solid fact
    b) as every minute three hundred infants reach age of six months (suitable for an infant scuba course) it is a fantastic business opportunity
    c) as every generation has shorter attention time span, generation G (Gold fish) has now maximum attention time span of 140 characters (on Twitter), we can reduce dive times even more with generation I – profits will soar like eagles…
    d) or group F (Free Spirits) is our target group, be it young students, middle aged travelers, retired and still alive people...
As for many things in life there are at least two schools of thinking also on this subject.

A huge group of vultures in our line of business would jump to a, b and c answers as a starving hyena on a wounded antelope. Most of them have already sold their souls for a dollar, so they have to make another dollar somewhere else…

The other school of thinking would say “Go very, very gently on youngsters when offering SCUBA diving. Diving is really more a state of mind, than anything else, however, physiological consequences for still developing and growing body can be rather unpredictable and psychologically kids act very different from adults...

And who is more eligible to provide proper answers, medical experts or sellers of diving pleasures, is up to you to decide.

SCUBA diving shouldn’t become just another activity to brag about.
You simply do it.
For you.
SCUBA diving can temporarily beam you to another, much bigger part of our small earthly universe. Through levitation in the blue waters you absorb serenity, freedom, peace… and changes within you are subtle and yet very powerful.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Snorkeling in Bali

I feel good...

Is snorkeling a mortal sin?

a) as long as you are just warming up for some good scuba diving, no
b) as long as you do it between two scuba dives, no
c) as long as you look as meditative as this girl, no
d) as long as you don't try to speak into your snorkel, no

I sincerely hope you will not take this post as an attack on the snorkeling society.
I’ve been accused of being snorkeler-hater too many times. Can you believe, for all the wrong reasons...

Truth is, I love snorkelers.
Imagine July and August, with too many (at least for my taste) boats scattered around beautiful Menjangan island.
Divers in my group become a touch less enthusiastic at the thought of seeing more divers on a dive than fish. However, I carefully select a dive spot with a couple of boats already positioned there. No scuba tanks on these boats, just snorkeling gear. Other dive boats are avoiding this spot and looking at overpopulated spot as Dracula would look at garlic sauce.

All the happy snorkelers remain on the surface and in the midst of high season we disappear into the blue all on our own.
Thank you, unknown snorkelers!

And then, there is a special girl sometimes enjoying snorkeling in tropical Bali sea, sometimes in cold Arctic (or is it Adriatic?) sea, and with a mind-set and understanding of scuba diving any experienced diver would envy.

And there is a guy, who experienced rather stupid start of his scuba lessons and is a diver in his heart, but sticks to snorkeling.

And there is a number of our snorkeling guests, making our trips even more joyful and memorable.

And at the end of the day, there is always a hope for snorkelers to see the light.
And start scuba diving.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Can you rely on Balinese people?

Same, same...but different...

Question is can you really rely on them for keeping their word, being punctual, faithful, honest, diligently doing a job for you...?

a) ever
b) never
c) sometimes
d) most of the times

At least it's safe to ask these questions about Balinese people.
Imagine you ask the same questions about yourself...

As the next guy also Balinese people respect and like reliability.
After a handshake on an important business deal if you get a text message “Sorry, deal is off” wouldn’t you be slightly annoyed?
Or looking forward for a meeting with an old friend and receiving a message “Sorry, I'm busy” - probably you wouldn't be too happy either.
In a nutshell, people too full of “Oops, sorry...” are usually not on a top of our desired companions list :)

In long run, in most cases you somehow get what you give.
Person full of empty promises will experience rather more b's than somebody true to his word.
If you are as good as your word, well, you will likely meet a lot of reliable people (not just Balinese).

Yes, I know, you are still waiting for the exact right answer to our initial question. If you are just thinking of hiring a guide, doing a booking for a hotel, buying a ticket...
Or if you are thinking about investing here or doing business in Bali.

If you accept the fact that all the above answers are correct, you will not be disappointed.
However, in Bali you can always rely on a good dose of warmth and laughter – and at the end of the day this counts a lot :)

Thursday, August 30, 2012

You don't understand me...



It would be just short of a miracle if you would.

According to Mental Statistics Institute this title is the second most frequently generated human thought.
The first one I will not publish due to possible e-thought police repercussions.

a)      any language is just a rather awkward tool to transform thoughts into words
b)      using this primitive tool to express feelings is bordering to ridiculous
c)      most messages you try to convey can be interpreted in numerous very different ways (due to Murphy’s Law usually the most stupid interpretation gets through)
d)     spoken or written expressions of thoughts or feelings are the major source of misunderstandings

The whole idea how to exchange at least some of the sparks emanating in our neurons, by blowing air through appropriately constricted vocal cords, has been obviously born a little left of stupid.
And later invention of symbols that we can put on a stone, paper or computer screens has been even better.
So much about the evolution.

Due to this incredible achievements we are now absolutely capable of confusing our friends; business partners go berserk when we are expressing ourselves; we are able to order a pizza with extra pepperonis (and get who knows what); we can get pissed off like mad dogs when struggling through some artfully constructed paperwork, that not even lesser Gods would understand; we are able to send declaration of war without bothering to leave our armchair… Fabulous!

Well, I hope you are not mad because of some of my outbursts. Maybe you just got them wrong…:) And I am in no possible manner responsible for the level of understanding you are capable of.

What should we do to prevent negative reactions? Be silent? No writing? Hiding our thoughts? We would be considered really well adapted and wise persons.
Until there comes a time when we are fed up and open our mouth or touch the keyboard…:)

A better idea.
We don our scuba gear and submerge down below.
No words. Not even expectation of words. Your mind is not waiting for words down there.
Mind opens into its primeval mode.
Just an unconditional immersion and you know all.
You simply know.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Vigilante Diver

Vigilante haiku

Water flushing crap
Smoking laptop attacking
I keep on going

By Dusan, reincarnation of Doo Shan, (856 – ?), founder of  extra hot chili sauce and Zen diving

If I see a number of people acting in a way I think is morally unacceptable and I wish to correct such behavior and improve situation, I have a number of options.

a)      I can try to force them to change their ways (through threats of punishment)
b)      I can deliver stern moral lectures, seeking to persuade them to change their ways
c)      I can try the Socratic approach of engaging them in a conversation which probes the roots of their beliefs
d)     or, alternatively, I can encourage everyone to see them as ridiculous, to laugh at them, to render them objects of scorn for the society. In doing so I will probably have at least two purposes in mind: first, to effect some changes in the behavior of the target (so that they reform) and, second, to encourage others not to behave in such a manner

Ad a) As for an effective threat I would need at least something as a loaded shot gun, services of the judge Roy Bean, a flamethrower or ability to make a really threatening face; due to lack of resources this option has been ruled out (with some regret).
Effectiveness: varies from 6 to 10+
Potential dangers of using the force: I can end in jail.

Ad b) Have you ever tried to explain to your vacuum cleaner what Elizabethan poetry is? Well, understanding of what »moral« means among these esteemed characters is slightly lower...
Effectiveness: exact 0
Potential dangers of lecturing: I may go crazy. Oops, you think this has already happened?!

Ad c) Attack through in-depth conversation roots, trunks, branches, leaves and fruits of their beliefs which are threesome:
Money, money and more money.
Effectiveness: 0+
Potential dangers of Socratic approach: I may jump back to a) and end in jail.

Ad d) Because satire often combines anger and humor it can be profoundly disturbing but also very effective. If we manage to make a laughing stock out of these type of people others will think twice before engaging in similar activities.
Effectiveness: varies from 7 to 9
Potential dangers of satire: Low, because as it is essentially ironic or even “militantly” sarcastic, it will not be understood by underprivileged in brain department and will not lead to some freelance carpentry and ecologically unacceptable depletion of forests as in preparing a nice, old fashioned wooden cross to crucify the author…:)