Thursday, January 31, 2013

Cheap scuba diving and cooking classes in Bali

An exemplary Balinese cheap diving shit hole proudly displaying PADI logo

Bad news:
Price of decent and safe diving includes also time, knowledge, dedication and money professionals put in their dive operations. And if you are looking for professionalism, safety and pleasure you will simply have to say goodbye to some of your beloved euros or dollars.
Good news:
If you are absolutely positive you do not need and/or want professionals, reliable equipment and safety you can save up dramatically on diving prices. Blind eye of local government and PADI allows for a boom of dirt cheap, fake PADI dive traps in our area.
You simply have to disregard some really not important things, as for instance:
- oxygen first aid kit
- pure air filtering system
- dive professionals who are still members of reputable dive training organizations
- equipment maintained by a certified professional
- some basic knowledge of scuba diving
Who will pay for all this shit nobody really needs?!
And who cares about all these anyhow?
If you are trying to be a winner of another Darwin award, this is an excellent way to start.
What you should avoid at any cost if you want to save for a couple of extra beers?
a) genuine PADI resorts found on PADI web pages – some of them take safety too seriously
b) dive centers run according to ISO standards
c) dive centers where they require your diving licenses and logbooks
d) and of course dive safety Nazis who use a nice part of your beloved money for your safety
Thanks God, those terrible, restrictive, professionally run, safety conscious establishments are in Pemuteran more rare than decent coffee shops in England.
And there are plenty of fantastic possibilities for those looking for very, very cheap and very exciting adventures. All brilliantly clever self taught economists (OK, a little tightfisted, when it comes to their own well-being) will get exactly what they are looking for.
And, dear funny divers, please keep in mind dive shop is a dive shop – only prices are different.
Same goes for choosing your dentist.
A dentist in U.S. of A. charging 190 US$ for a service is a dentist.
And a dentist on a street in Calcutta, India charging 3 US$ for the same service is a dentist.
Even the most notorious competitors for Darwin award like to think they are not trading their health and life for a few dollars difference.
Right to believe in illusions is universal.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Green Bali

Our vans are powered by solar power
Greater consumption hogs we are in everyday life, more green, eco friendly, bio... holidays we are looking for.
What is Easy Divers Bali doing to meet your noble expectations?
a) for your land transfers our vans use solar power
b) we recycle air you breathe by filtering and re-oxygenating it
c) we refuse to wash your dirty T-shirts and underwear
d) we do not allow you to use our wi-fi hot spot
We insist on solar powered vans for our dive transfers. Solar in Bali costs 4.200 Rp a liter and is called diesel fuel in English.
We developed a brilliant method to control CO2 levels in the atmosphere. When you exhale through your regulator, while diving with us, your exhaled air with increased amount of CO2 will be filtered through oxygen rich pure ocean before reaching the surface. This method is unique and extremely effective in reducing level of CO2 in atmosphere.
Through the time plankton, fish, corals all developed same freaky taste I have. We hate detergent in our cocktails. So, don't expect we will wash your dirty laundry here. Maybe you could just keep the same towel for a day longer...:)
Electric power (used for your e-exchanges) is the purest one. It comes from the wall socket without any pollution to the environment. Except in some extremely rare, obscure cases where they produce it in power plants running on coal, oil or with help of very safe nuclear reactors (Chernobyl, Three Mile Island, Fukushima...) And just because of these really rare cases – no internet for you here.
So, our perfect plan to be eco friendly by booking a simple bungalow on a (once) pristine beach with A/C, hot water in bathroom, clean smelling towels and sheets... is going down the drain and straight into the ocean...
Can we transform pollution and garbage we generate day after day into smelling roses? Maybe not, however, if we just try to minimize our impact on the environment it's a nice step in the right direction...
Am I an ecological saint?
I'm still a smoker
A midnight sinner
And a dreamer :)

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Starting the day.
Solve the paperwork mess?
Answer emails? Switch on the telephone?
Or just listen to some music?

For most of our actions we have several choices.
What is the determining and enlightened factor for deciding about my choices?
a) my wisdom and brilliant mind
b) my fantastic ability to listen to advices of more experienced
c) my supernatural ability of filtering out the wrong choices
d) my ego filled with bullshit
Tough question. All first three answers rather brilliantly denote my decision making processes. Which one best describes my decision-making processes?
a? b? c?
Maybe it would be easier to find a proper answer for others. Hmm, d sounds appropriate for most of you.
By simple extrapolation of this fact I have the appropriate answer for me.
Hmm, d.
Is it really so bad? Well, it's not question of bad or good. It's a mere fact. And no panic necessary, I will not start ranting about e-corruption of human minds and hearts (or better what's left of them). This phenomena is at least ten thousand years old. Well, that's what I can remember.
In the essence any decision I make is fulfilling my ego, serving my pleasures (and often adding a bucket of bullshit).
Of course my brilliant mind will justify at least rationality of the decision with all possible advantages.
Question “Do I need this?” is silenced with all the “advantages” if I follow my cravings. My reasoning glides into “I need this holidays...”, “I need this new glasses...”
After this train of thoughts clicked some switches somewhere between my ears I can simply enjoy in deciding for holidays and this glasses just because I like them. And to hell with the price.
When we would like to do something for our little monster (ego), is it absolutely necessary we disguise the action into some altruistic or at least rational act?
Maybe, just maybe, this is not so necessary.
If I find pleasure in sharing a delicious meal with you, why shouldn't I enjoy in feeding my ego?
From time to time :)

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Investment in Bali

An upscale beachfront restaurant
waitnig for an investor

After serious research (three week holiday in Bali), you decided to invest here. You need trusted experts for a feasibility study.
Which would be the best?

a) local beach bums or self proclaimed agents
b) proud, self absorbed expat owners of cockroach and rat infested resorts
c) taxi drivers
d) St. Peter

ad a)
You will learn that you, as a foreigner, are not allowed to invest in Indonesia, but, as they feel sorry for you, they will accept the burden of property for you. You will just give money and they will be the owners of whatever you want to establish.
Be careful: before you pass the money ask them at least two times if they are straight, so you are sure your business transaction is secure.

Ad b)
With expats like these you will learn even more. They hate each other guts, and join their forces only to spit on other people. If you are not aficionado of cockroaches, food poisoning etc, don't stay at their world-class resorts, just visit for a cup of shitty coffee and mention you have a couple of hundred thousand dollars to invest. Fabulous experience guaranteed.

Ad c)
One of the duties of taxi drivers in Bali is also to help investors in Bali. If you impress the guy properly, maybe he will allow you to transfer your funds to his family and start a fantastic business in Klungkung. If you later on can not a find a way to Klungkung, it's only good. It will save you additional stress.

Ad d)
St. Peter once told me this story:

“A guy died and came to my door. I checked the book for his good and bad deeds. Perfect balance. Where to send him? Heaven? Hell?
I decided to let him choose on his own.
But he was a clever guy. He asked me first for a tour in both places before deciding.
OK. Heavens with a little too much of draft, constant singing, no real action didn't really impress him.
Hell with all the dark places, mean music, whiskey, half naked table dancers he found more acceptable.
After his final decision he went to hell.
Two devils threw him into boiling oil, third started to beat him stupid...
The guy started to scream as mad: “This is the wrong place!!! Take me to the right one!!!”
Place was the same, just on his first visit he was a tourist, now he's an investor.”

If you are after this input feeling lost, insecure, put down, not sure what to do now – maybe, just maybe, you could reconsider your approach to investment.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Carpe diem - Life (fragmentary approach)

Ten days in heaven or...
...a lifetime in all the vividness of gray

Try to remember which adjectives would too frequently describe your job, curtains in your living room, life, holidays, relationship(s), your home, food you eat, Gods you worship, politicians you despise...

a) boring, stupid...
b) irritating, frustrating...
c) dull, dreary...
d) cheap, empty...

What adjectives you would want to remember when your days are drawing to an end (as they usually do towards the evening)? Sparkling, brilliant, fantastic, heavenly...

As most of the crucial things in our lives (including black olives in extra virgin olive oil) also this subject we can approach from different perspectives.

Whatever I do or even try to do is doomed to failure. Cosmos is pushing me down and there is no way to prevail... I will just suffer and wail...

If I just try to enjoy a little they will all jump on me as a Wall Street cannibal on a rich newborn baby. They will put me in even greater misery... Better to step back and avoid all the pleasures...

I will beat all the odds. I will get rich and happy whatever it takes. Even if it takes all my life, my health, my free time... And live eternally happy some time in the future. In the afterlife?

I don't give a shit.
As long as I can see stardust in a dust on my table (before Kadek dusts it, of course), as long as I can just embrace whatever is gliding on my path and I love, as long as I can ignore shit floating in the same stream, I'm OK.
Monster called time (for ever, only, too short, already, too long, never, not yet...) is usually just fucking things up. Defense: occasionally I show the ugly monster my tongue in all its glory.