Thursday, April 26, 2012

Esoteric Bali

Bali, just diving
Bali, just diving

First it would be a sound idea to try to determine what esoteric is:

a)      something so crammed with the deepest wisdom that mortals and lesser gods can not grasp the meaning of it
b)      something so overloaded with incomprehensible words and phrases that will successfully make any possibility of understanding impossible
c)      something you learn at worldwide “Become an Esoteric Master” workshops with crash courses running every second weekend
d)     something so simple (yet complex) as a murmur of ocean waves, smell of freshly cooked gado gado, birds singing, a motorbike passing by, a smile on somebody’s face

Just keep in mind, all answers from a to z (and beyond) are absolutely correct.

A good esoteric workout would be to contemplate these two undisputed wisdoms:
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Live today.”
“Dwelling on history will cost you one eye. Not dwelling on history will cost you both eyes.”

Hmm… True, very true… But is this not a contradiction?

Are we really looking for the wisdom of all wisdoms?
Or we are maybe just searching for a lost child somewhere deep inside us?
Or just for a nice place to stretch after good diving, a cold drink in one hand, a good book in the other hand…?

My personal quest to find the absolute wisdom has been driven by this advice:
“Your wisdom is based on a shitload of your mistakes.”
Second half of the advice I have absorbed in-depth. Now remains just a question of time for the first part to fulfill…:)
Sounds familiar?

Whatever your strategic and tactical goals in your esoteric and enlightened life are, Bali can be a good place to achieve your goals and declare: “Mission accomplished”.

Bali is not exactly the place where answers to your unsolved mysteries are just waiting for you.
However, it is the place where all these elusive answers that are already ingrained somewhere deep inside you, may gently become visible and clear to you.
As an old diver once upon a time said to an unfortunately deaf buddy:
“Open your scuba valve, open your mind and open your heart.”

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Do you believe in SCUBA diving?

Just diving...

Is SCUBA diving the only approved heavenly path for us?

a)      no, because even the most obscure religions are promising basically the same

b)      no, because it is not a religion according to ISO standardization

c)      no, because textbook (manual) for this religion can not be found on google

d)     no, because there are no reports of major crusades, atrocities, wars, exterminations or similar pleasantries committed to nonbelievers by raging SCUBA divers

Praised be scuba tanks and regulators, all answers are blissfully wrong.

Some researchers report that there are apart from SCUBA diving religion some other beliefs already floating around.
Cosmic People, Christianity, Church of Make Me Rich, Moslem, Hindu...They all offer significant benefit packages of goodies for believers and slightly less beneficial packages for nonbelievers.
SCUBA diving religion is offering only lucrative benefit packages.
No sanctions even for snorkelers. Yet.

If standards are not aligned with our religion we can change either religion or standards.
As standards are a human creation and religion a divine one, answer is simple.

As Google is a minor deity and our Bubble Making God is The Lord of All Gods, we can dismiss this answer easily.

You can add to this answer “As a member of SCUBA diving religion you don’t have to use two pieces of wood, a hammer and some nails to slowly kill your instructor for public relations and marketing reasons.”
Well, in some cases you may be inclined to use this method…

For further reading I would recommend some of my books:

“Are angels scuba divers?”
“How many angels can breathe from one regulator?” As we do not dance on the head of a pin…

Good scuba diving will take you into another universe, where levitation, serenity, freedom and pure pleasure are granted to all.
And you can immerse into this heavens time after time after time…

Go and dive, my buddy, and sin no more.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

How to survive in Bali?

Breakfast of Divers

How to survive in Bali, in a very unlikely event you forget to bring your DSR (Dehydrated Survival Rations)?

a)      you calmly evaluate situation and upon reaching conclusion that without any food you will die anyhow, go for local cuisine – »Che sera sera« decision
b)      you walk into one of many small restaurants, stare at the display of dishes, smell them, point with your finger at what you would want to eat and indulge in the new tastes – »no fear no mercy« decision
c)      you ask for the menu and try a holistic approach for what you would prefer: nasi campur, bakmie goreng, ayam goreng... As nobody understands your pronunciation, you order: »Please get me number 6, will you?«  - »numerological« decision
d)     from street vendor you buy two packets of »prana« (Warning: never take it on an empty stomach!)

Whatever your answers might be, you wonderful person, as always, you are absolutely correct!

Wherever we travel, part of the experience is local cuisine.

Upscale hotels and tourist restaurants will provide you a kind of “global fusion cuisine” with a touch of Bali.
Chefs in Bali can be sometimes even too capable of thinking “out of the box”. For instance “Wiener Schnitzel in sweet and sour onion sauce” can be a touch too open minded gastronomical side kick to meet our expectations.
Smell and taste: just a hint of a faint aroma of Bali

More simple places will serve you Balinese dishes tailored for tourists.
Quantity of the more expensive ingredients included in the meal is multiplied by five. Hot spices are adequately reduced. For breakfasts they will offer you banana pancakes. 
Smell and taste: very much like Bali

Small places where Balinese eat will serve you authentic Balinese meals.
Rice, which can be served on a plate, banana leaf or waxed paper, topped with tiny amounts of fried vegetables, tempe, tofu, shreds of chicken, sambal (hot sauce), fried noodles – combinations vary from day to day and from one cook to another.
Smell and taste: pure Bali

Part of our traveling and sightseeing in Bali is also indulging in the lakes of noodle soups, vegetable or fish soups, attacking mountains of rice, seasoned with mysterious herbs, shrimps, red hot chili peppers, we want to visit valleys full of fried bananas half submerged in golden honey streams…

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Holidays in Bali

Bali Menjangan

Why any sane person would decide for holidays in Bali?

a) because Bali can set even a hardcore rat racer into a leisure cruising mode
b) because you can visit 7 temples, 1 volcano, 3 lakes, 2 dances and still catch a dinner in a same day
c) because a Japanese tourist inside you wants you to tick all the boxes with famous destination on the globe
d) because of me (tick d, please!!!, tick d)

If you answered a, b, c, d or e, your answer is absolutely correct!

Correct answers:

a) Upon arrival you will be immersed into difference of life, attitude and priorities in Bali, in lovely contrast to Western world.
Magic of soft, warm, humid air and people with smiles in their eyes and hearts is a pleasant welcome for all visitors.
And very true, side effects of these differences will work like a charm on you.
b) Sometimes we all start craving for sightseeing. Time to move…
Density of places worth seeing in Bali is such it will quench your thirst for exotic attractions as fresh coconut milk will reset your body fluids.
c) Sometimes we want to run away from ourselves, environment we live and work in, mother-in-law; sometimes in quest for something new and awfully important (we do not know exactly what) and - voila! We start going places. And Bali is definitely one of The Places.
d) Well, to meet a living, walking, breathing, diving legend and eventually even receive his handshake – if this is not a good enough reason to fly across half the globe…
e) And of course, any half baked excuse that pops up between your ears that you terribly need a change and must hop to Bali will do.