Bali and expectations

Eat your heart out, we are in Bali!

Why so many people are working their asses off throughout the year to afford themselves some exotic holidays?

a)      to impress their peers

b)      to solve the problems of the miserable life in three week vacation

c)      to absorb all the wisdom they missed so far

d)      or just to boost the pleasures of their lives a notch more

OK, as nobody (especially not me!) admits a, b or c are proper answers, so d is the answer.

Ad a) For instance, I would never do something just to impress somebody. Stupid! Really stupid! Probably, dear reader, you are much the same.

I would rather very casually remark in conversations: “Oh, this coffee is almost as good as at Costas’ in Doha…” or “This meal is close to Anka’s reunion feasts…”, or “Changi in Singapore is The Airport and not that “Schlamperei” in Frankfurt…”

Those who’ve been there and done that will nod approvingly; those poor devils who have never been anywhere or done anything will just stare at me, quasi God of trendsetting.

Yeah, here we go…:)

Ad b) If I manage to salt away a couple of thousands of Euros, change the climate, environment, everything…  yes! My problems will dissolve, my closest will really appreciate the effort and money I’ve put into this curing holidays. I will be understood, loved, respected by people I care about.

The only slight problem with this method is, it doesn’t work.

Ad c) I know wisdom is just waiting for me. Frankly, she is really anxious to embrace me!

With all the tasks from my job, family obligations, social obligations, there is just no opportunity for wisdom to get in touch with me.

Well, pure wisdom can choose to meet me (or not) when I am watching my maid cleaning the windows, when I am trying to make my rebellious computer to work again, while enjoying a delicious spicy meal or when I am meditating somewhere below the surface…

Ad d) I enjoy most if not all of the moments in my life.

From a walk in the rain to the empty waterfront, smell of fresh coffee during the break, a road trip with my friend on a weekend, shopping in a village store, hectic and amusing activity at work…

And to boost the feeling “Life is good…”, I just immerse into Bali way of life for a while…

Yeah, d should be the answer leading us to Bali or any other holiday destination :)

Just diving

Master Divers of Bali

This slightly faded photo is another proof that longer you dive, longer you live.

- combined age of our BCDs probably exceeding your age, dear reader
- combined number of dives a nice 5 digit number
- combined age of three of us would make Methuselah look like a baby
- combined pleasure of our diving together is..., well. not bad at all…:)

When the goal is pure, good diving advanced age is inconsequential.

When the goal is pure business, we come to some controversial concepts.

Is generation I (infants) our next target group for selling scuba pleasures?

a) if we extrapolate tendencies of some scuba diving training agencies, this is a solid fact
b) as every minute three hundred infants reach age of six months (suitable for an infant scuba course) it is a fantastic business opportunity
c) as every generation has shorter attention time span, generation G (Gold fish) has now maximum attention time span of 140 characters (on Twitter), we can reduce dive times even more with generation I – profits will soar like eagles…
d) or group F (Free Spirits) is our target group, be it young students, middle aged travelers, retired and still alive people...

As for many things in life there are at least two schools of thinking also on this subject.

A huge group of vultures in our line of business would jump to a, b and c answers as a starving hyena on a wounded antelope. Most of them have already sold their souls for a dollar, so they have to make another dollar somewhere else…

The other school of thinking would say “Go very, very gently on youngsters when offering SCUBA diving. Diving is really more a state of mind, than anything else, however, physiological consequences for still developing and growing body can be rather unpredictable and psychologically kids act very different from adults...

And who is more eligible to provide proper answers, medical experts or sellers of diving pleasures, is up to you to decide.

SCUBA diving shouldn’t become just another activity to brag about.

You simply do it.

For you.

SCUBA diving can temporarily beam you to another, much bigger part of our small earthly universe. Through levitation in the blue waters you absorb serenity, freedom, peace… and changes within you are subtle and yet very powerful.

Snorkeling in Bali

I feel good...

Is snorkeling a mortal sin?

a) as long as you are just warming up for some good scuba diving, no

b) as long as you do it between two scuba dives, no

c) as long as you look as meditative as this girl, no

d) as long as you don't try to speak into your snorkel, no

I sincerely hope you will not take this post as an attack on the snorkeling society.

I’ve been accused of being snorkeler-hater too many times. Can you believe, for all the wrong reasons...

Truth is, I love snorkelers.

Imagine July and August, with too many (at least for my taste) boats scattered around beautiful Menjangan island.

Divers in my group become a touch less enthusiastic at the thought of seeing more divers on a dive than fish. However, I carefully select a dive spot with a couple of boats already positioned there. No scuba tanks on these boats, just snorkeling gear. Other dive boats are avoiding this spot and looking at overpopulated spot as Dracula would look at garlic sauce.

All the happy snorkelers remain on the surface and in the midst of high season we disappear into the blue all on our own.

Thank you, unknown snorkelers!

And then, there is a special girl sometimes enjoying snorkeling in tropical Bali sea, sometimes in cold Arctic (or is it Adriatic?) sea, and with a mind-set and understanding of scuba diving any experienced diver would envy.

And there is a guy, who experienced rather stupid start of his scuba lessons and is a diver in his heart, but sticks to snorkeling.

And there is a number of our snorkeling guests, making our trips even more joyful and memorable.

And at the end of the day, there is always a hope for snorkelers to see the light.

And start scuba diving.

Can you rely on Balinese people?

Same, same...but different...

Question is can you really rely on them for keeping their word, being punctual, faithful, honest, diligently doing a job for you...?

a) ever

b) never

c) sometimes

d) most of the times

At least it's safe to ask these questions about Balinese people.

Imagine you ask the same questions about yourself...

As the next guy also Balinese people respect and like reliability.

After a handshake on an important business deal if you get a text message “Sorry, deal is off” wouldn’t you be slightly annoyed?

Or looking forward for a meeting with an old friend and receiving a message “Sorry, I'm busy” - probably you wouldn't be too happy either.

In a nutshell, people too full of “Oops, sorry...” are usually not on a top of our desired companions list :)

In long run, in most cases you somehow get what you give.

Person full of empty promises will experience rather more b's than somebody true to his word.

If you are as good as your word, well, you will likely meet a lot of reliable people (not just Balinese).

Yes, I know, you are still waiting for the exact right answer to our initial question. If you are just thinking of hiring a guide, doing a booking for a hotel, buying a ticket...

Or if you are thinking about investing here or doing business in Bali.

If you accept the fact that all the above answers are correct, you will not be disappointed.

However, in Bali you can always rely on a good dose of warmth and laughter – and at the end of the day this counts a lot :)

You don't understand me...

It would be just short of a miracle if you would.

According to Mental Statistics Institute this title is the second most frequently generated human thought.

The first one I will not publish due to possible e-thought police repercussions.

a)      any language is just a rather awkward tool to transform thoughts into words

b)      using this primitive tool to express feelings is bordering to ridiculous

c)      most messages you try to convey can be interpreted in numerous very different ways (due to Murphy’s Law usually the most stupid interpretation gets through)

d)     spoken or written expressions of thoughts or feelings are the major source of misunderstandings

The whole idea how to exchange at least some of the sparks emanating in our neurons, by blowing air through appropriately constricted vocal cords, has been obviously born a little left of stupid.

And later invention of symbols that we can put on a stone, paper or computer screens has been even better.

So much about the evolution.

Due to this incredible achievements we are now absolutely capable of confusing our friends; business partners go berserk when we are expressing ourselves; we are able to order a pizza with extra pepperonis (and get who knows what); we can get pissed off like mad dogs when struggling through some artfully constructed paperwork, that not even lesser Gods would understand; we are able to send declaration of war without bothering to leave our armchair… Fabulous!

Well, I hope you are not mad because of some of my outbursts. Maybe you just got them wrong…:) And I am in no possible manner responsible for the level of understanding you are capable of.

What should we do to prevent negative reactions? Be silent? No writing? Hiding our thoughts? We would be considered really well adapted and wise persons.

Until there comes a time when we are fed up and open our mouth or touch the keyboard…:)

A better idea.

We don our scuba gear and submerge down below.

No words. Not even expectation of words. Your mind is not waiting for words down there.

Mind opens into its primeval mode.

Just an unconditional immersion and you know all.

You simply know.

Vigilante Diver

Vigilante haiku

Water flushing crap

Smoking laptop attacking

I keep on going

By Dusan, reincarnation of Doo Shan, (856 – ?), founder of  extra hot chili sauce and Zen diving

If I see a number of people acting in a way I think is morally unacceptable and I wish to correct such behavior and improve situation, I have a number of options.

a)      I can try to force them to change their ways (through threats of punishment)

b)      I can deliver stern moral lectures, seeking to persuade them to change their ways

c)      I can try the Socratic approach of engaging them in a conversation which probes the roots of their beliefs

d)     or, alternatively, I can encourage everyone to see them as ridiculous, to laugh at them, to render them objects of scorn for the society. In doing so I will probably have at least two purposes in mind: first, to effect some changes in the behavior of the target (so that they reform) and, second, to encourage others not to behave in such a manner

Ad a) As for an effective threat I would need at least something as a loaded shot gun, services of the judge Roy Bean, a flamethrower or ability to make a really threatening face; due to lack of resources this option has been ruled out (with some regret).

Effectiveness: varies from 6 to 10+

Potential dangers of using the force: I can end in jail.

Ad b) Have you ever tried to explain to your vacuum cleaner what Elizabethan poetry is? Well, understanding of what »moral« means among these esteemed characters is slightly lower...

Effectiveness: exact 0

Potential dangers of lecturing: I may go crazy. Oops, you think this has already happened?!

Ad c) Attack through in-depth conversation roots, trunks, branches, leaves and fruits of their beliefs which are threesome:

Money, money and more money.

Effectiveness: 0+

Potential dangers of Socratic approach: I may jump back to a) and end in jail.

Ad d) Because satire often combines anger and humor it can be profoundly disturbing but also very effective. If we manage to make a laughing stock out of these type of people others will think twice before engaging in similar activities.

Effectiveness: varies from 7 to 9

Potential dangers of satire: Low, because as it is essentially ironic or even “militantly” sarcastic, it will not be understood by underprivileged in brain department and will not lead to some freelance carpentry and ecologically unacceptable depletion of forests as in preparing a nice, old fashioned wooden cross to crucify the author…:)

Dangers of Bali

Secret Bali Pirates' Marina

Stories about Indonesian pirates are scary. Likelihood to encounter them on a diving trip in Bali is infinitesimally low. However, you have the right to be informed.

To know how to react in an unlikely event of encounter with pirates in Indonesian waters, here is some background on the structure of piracy business and the best method to fend them off.

We will try to get to the bottom of some crucial questions.

Where are these pirates recruited from? Who are they?

We are looking for some really bad characters with years of experience in illegal activities.

Where the hell are they trained?! What secret training camps are these?

Probably they have years and years of practicing illegal activities under their belts.

What activity is illegal in this country, but still practiced?

Corruption.

Where we would find the highest number of most corrupted individuals?

a)      people toiling at the road works

b)      people working in rice fields

c)      people attending their cattle

d)     public servants in government offices

It’s beyond the scope of my common sense regarding self-preservation (or what’s left of it) to provide you a correct answer.

At least, even if we do not reveal their origins, you will be able to fend them off in case of an attack.

Simply use their ingrained subprogram which prevents them to take even a shit without first receiving a fat envelope.

When they extend a hand for an envelope, as you should bribe them first, so they are stimulated to rob and kill you, you simply do not give it.

And without proper incentive (their holy corruption fee) they are by default disabled for any action.