Open Water Diving in swimming pool

And keep your hat on ...

As times are changing (or I'm getting nastier and nastier), I'm slightly fazed with some environments used nowadays to learn and do some good scuba diving. However, most certifying agencies still recommend we should include some degree of water in our training program.
For instance:

a) ocean or lakes
b) shower
c) bath tub
d) swimming pool

Sea and lakes are becoming options reserved for remaining few true hard-core divers. Lakes tend to be cold and murky – scary and not really friendly environment for learning to dive. Oceans are even more wild. Water is kind of salty, it tends to move you (waves, currents and who knows what else), many creatures in there are just waiting to scare you – not something a normal scuba diving student would want to expose himself or herself to.

As cravings for possession of a diving license are increasing also among normal population (not just among direct descendants of Jacques Cousteau) - industry responded.
After salivating and getting fits over prospects of generating more and more and even more income, some brave diving industry scuba gurus did some mental acrobatics and proved open water is open water is open water.

Either you open the faucet to take a shower or to fill a bathtub or to fill a swimming pool – in all the cases you can get wet, which is the last minimum standard to become certified as a diver. Prehistoric ideas, that open water you find in seas and lakes are slowly becoming obsolete.

Brave, new approach to scuba diving is really expanding diving business. How many people do you know who would willingly submerge themselves into hostile environment, armed only with a thin hope that they will survive the ordeal? And all they need / want is a diving certificate.
Not many.
However, if we start with Hollywood shower, after achieving certain goals there we move into exciting bath tub diving and finally relax in a swimming pool – well, this definitely is the way scuba diving learning should be!

In a very unlikely case, that a question about my sanity is hitting your brain cells, the answer is, thank you, my sanity is OK, I just went bananas a few years ago when I first got three autonomous divers (fully certified) who freaked out when exposed to horrors of warm, clear and calm sea. And each year I get more and more Open Water certified divers, who did all their training only in swimming pool – or was it a shower?

We (teacher and student on the photo), obviously did not properly use new age guidelines imposed by some instructors for Open Water training - we used the pool to discuss heavenly stupidity and greediness the world is rushing into. And a speed boat and clear, blue, deep waters of the ocean for open water immersions.

Diving safety in Bali

A typical manifestation of an après fun diving syndrome.
From “SCUBA Diving Anomalies”, Volume 3, Chapter XXII ~ Dusan Repic et al.

This post is for true brave-hearts only. All examples are just descriptions of events during this summer. Upon consideration I omitted a couple of the worst cases. Before reading the post check our guidelines for your safe reading!

a) consult your physician if your blood pressure and heart are adequate for ultimate terror
b) ask somebody to administer CPR in case you drop down when reading
c) if you start to uncontrollably shake or start to convulse stop reading immediately
d) if the world is becoming darker and darker, you are just fainting

All set? Good. We can immerse into activity sometimes described as “Diving is fun!”
Very true, especially in South East Asia, namely in North Bali.

How this usually starts?
Not very experienced fun divers, meaning not certified divers, run from one dive kiosk to another and compare the prices. When they find the cheapest offer, as adult, intelligent, safety conscious travelers they want to establish credibility and safety of the chosen outfit and their dive leader.
They very seriously ask the guy: “Are you PADI? A professional? Very safe?”, and as he very seriously answers: “Yes, I am very PADI, very professional, and very safe!”, fun starts.

For experience programs , such as scuba funny diving for not yet trained divers, they put on a boat between 4 to 12 tourists, take them to a blue water dive spot, get them in full scuba gear, blissfully without any instructions how to use it and what scuba diving is about, and unceremoniously drop them in the water.
Their very professional leader (yes, one is enough for the group) already knows where to put his regulator – which definitely makes him a dive professional.

Now the scene turns into full action thriller.
Every meter deeper the fun and adrenaline searchers descend more, more frantic their struggle is. Pain in the ears is becoming unbearable. Water in the nose, salty and bitter taste in the mouth (from sea water and extreme fear), no chance to breathe, slowly suffocating under the surface - a horrible way to go. No way to see the sun again. They would exchange their loved ones for one deep breath of plain, good fresh air. No help for abandoned souls. Legs and arms are flailing wildly. Eyes bulging. When they struggle to the surface and see any boat close enough to grab it for some support, real fun starts.
They try to climb aboard in full scuba gear with their fins still on. And fall back in water. And repeat. And repeat. When their faces are out of the water you can hear moans and pleas “Get me out of the water...”.

When boat drivers, helpers and snorkelers drag them on the boat, is usually the time when their benevolent instructor (AKA snorkel master, AKA full-time idiot) appears and proclaims: “Yeah, that was funny ...”.

Sponsors of extreme tourism on a shoestring in Bali are not available for comment. They are in the bathroom – washing their hands …

Ignorance is not an excuse

A fair legal warning.

Any attempt of using content or part(s) of it from my blog, e-mail(s), letter(s), oral communication(s) and/or any other way of communication(s), in any possible or impossible way(s), that might displease me, is an unconditional consent by the mindless drone(s) violating my rules of engagement, to pay me any and all claims, as unilaterally set by me, indefinitely.

a) offender(s) (i.e., person(s) or entity declared as offender(s) by me) waive their right(s) to dispute or appeal my claims.
b) offender(s) will settle the claims within 15 calender days from the date the claims are sent
c) these rules are valid for anything I have published and/or communicated and will publish and/or communicate between the years 1572 and 2816 (Gregorian calender)
d) any argument against my claims must be delivered to Easy Divers Supreme Authority in Pemuteran, Bali, Indonesia at least one day before offender receives my claim

I decided for this step as I want to increase safety of scuba diving. As usually, I do it for the good of majority.
As I can not directly control safety of scuba diving globally, I started in a similar way that major government agencies, dive training organizations and drug dealers do.

I hired a prestigious law firm (bloody expensive!) to protect my ass. This approach - start very locally, think globally, collect money universally, seems the right panacea for all the shit happening in the name of scuba diving.

Relativity of beliefs in Bali

A moment or an eternity?

Karma, inner peace, enjoying (or at least accepting) whatever life brings in your direction, making your fellow beings more often happy than sad – is a core belief of Balinese.
And not a bad belief for anybody else.

True or False?

No worries, you get the same points for one or the other answer.

You may believe in karma, and that what you serve to others, will be in one or another way served to you.
You may believe in gravitation.
You may reject above ideas out of hand. And to hell also with Newton and his bloody apple.
You may be frantically googling for YouTube explanation of inner peace and how to achieve it in five simple steps.
You may be calling life bad names or embracing it day after day.
You may be a true friend to your friends. Or you may be sucking them dry.

Whatever you choose, it doesn't make you Balinese, Hindu, American, Chechen, Martian or even French. You will remain who you are, just your life will be slightly different.
Vibrating. Dull. Empty. Full. Bitter. Sweet.

And now we are coming to the pearl of this post.
To describe the changes in Balinese beliefs through my long time immersion into this environment.
Strongly opinionated remarks. Wise, brilliant comments...

But first it would be nice to make it clear what is changing. Their beliefs? My perception? Amount of chili in the sauce?
My rather frequently used expression “It's been really different when I was young...” doesn't really tell what was different – me or something else.
When thinking about all the inner changes I go through on my winding path from cradle towards the grave, a thought “More I change, more I remain the same... and more I remain the same, more I change...” appears more and more frequently.

Imagine a mountain stream, its crystal clear water rushing past you - same every day, every year... And not the same for even one second.

And my in-depth assessments of changes in Balinese beliefs goes happily down the drain ...

If you got digestion problems with all this food for thought, don't jump for Alka-Seltzer - if you have a chance better strap your scuba on and do a purification treatment in the clear blue waters.

I want to see many fish!

Can you show me some fish?

I want to dive at Mejahaga … Myahagan … Meyagang … Whatever! At The Island! Because that's the only place to see some fish!
Above photo was taken at:

a) Menjangan Island National Park
b) a swimming pool
c) a shore dive
d) Close Encounters dive site at Pemuteran

How do we know Menjangan Island is the only place to dive where we can see some fish?
This fact is supported and confirmed by internet comments of expert researchers and adventurers, soul-mates of Indiana Jones, who managed to accomplish two dives in their life at Menjangan Island (and nowhere else in North Bali), so this must be the holy truth.

Any other opinions, especially from dive professionals diving in north Bali for good 15 years can not be trusted.

Joke is, experience, honest describing of what and how you see, offering a fair advice is too frequently worth very little (or less), and a shallow observation somewhere on the internet is granted all the credibility.
Some less compassionate and more sarcastic soul than me would say the virus of stupidity has been released and antidote is the most well preserved secret of today's world.

Obviously, as the information is a Siamese twin sister of disinformation, with tons and tons of information dripping into our heads day after day, we get the same amount of disinformation as well.
As there are no labels on packages, what is what, and our evaluations are becoming more and more poor, we'll start to believe the Moon is made of cheese, that we are happy, that our boss is our savior, that statements posted on FB are true, that it doesn't make sense to reach for stars as they are out of reach …

And where we will find the fish we have to see, to check one more box about our “must do” activities?
Google “I want to see some fish” and choose one of the good 200 million hits ...

Bushido of scuba diving

A close call ...

Many things can go wrong when scuba diving.
Keep cool, look good, and probability you will be able to talk (or write) about it will be much better.
What would be the worst possible close encounter under the surface?

a) a wild clown fish trying to eat you alive
b) seeing a local “dive professional” struggling to stay alive in 5 meters of water
c) seeing a group of so called “certified divers” stampeding over corals
d) avoiding a torpedo deep down

With this question and choices I overdid it. Again ... What horrible options!
But let's try to dissect them one by one and see if we can make it through, even when encountering something so frightful.

The size of attacking clown fish can be consoling. A few centimeters big fish with a few millimeters of teeth can not really harm you. And, if you stop disturbing it, you are safe anyhow.

Well, the image of a self-appointed “dive professional”, whose machismo is comparable only to his idiocy, struggling to get a gulp of air out of his wrongly prepared scuba in shallow water, can be much more disturbing. But you get used to this.

However, when you see a group of proud holders of plastic cards, describing them as divers, crawling on all four on corals, well, these are the times when safety valves open ... And, at least me, I don't get used to this.
It's interesting that in a village with five decent dive operators and a dozen of dive kiosks, customers are by some magic almost 100% correctly distributed.
Divers with respect to ocean, environment, to each other, somehow find operators with similar attitude...
And people who just want to brag about what they did, but lack any respect to anything around them end with their soul mates...
One group leaving only bubbles in ocean, the other one leaving broken gorgon fans, table top corals, huge sponges with divers names inscriptions ...
I think Don Quixote fights with windmills was a walk in a park compared to changing some attitudes.

Compared to the above issue, a close call by Mark 48 torpedo seems trivial.

SCUBA diving and chronic depression

Obvious signs of acute depression after a dive

World leading experts on scuba diving attending a symposium on “Onsets of severe chronic depression among scuba divers” were not absolutely convinced with the presented papers and were due to their disrespectful behavior excommunicated from the forum.
However, for your safety and well-being, here we will summarize the most dire warnings from this forum.

a) if you experience false feeling of freedom when scuba diving, visit your doctor
b) if you experience false feeling of pleasure when scuba diving, visit your doctor
c) if you experience false feeling of happiness when scuba diving, visit your doctor
d) never, ever do something that makes you feel better

If you are laughing at these serious warnings, as for instance those two scuba obsessed junkies, beware, you do this at your own risk.

As the most enlightened self-proclaimed professors stressed in the opening statements of the symposium the only way to successfully overcome our depression(s) is by becoming useful members of the society.
If you are born under a really lucky star, you will be allowed to give a good part of your life, your earnings and yourself to the company that is charitable enough to accept you to work for.
If after suffering a medical close call your sick leave is not too long, company will maybe even allow you to work for some more time.
Awareness that you can be on a list to hit the road on short notice, will put some additional incentive and challenge in your seven day working weeks.
And only such elements can lead a normal person to real mental stability and inner happiness.

It's hard to describe all the dangers of more and more widespread state of mind “Enjoy in every pleasure, small, tiny or big, coming your way”.
One of the worst is definitely scuba diving.
While diving, subjects can not be controlled, they are detached from all oppressive mechanisms and after diving they carry the seeds of freedom in their souls.
As through good, real diving your mind becomes familiar with very different dimensions, very different thoughts and feelings, it's practically impossible to bend and shape it again into a form we can call useful or at least acceptable.
Who's right? Who's wrong?
I don't care.
I'll just strap my scuba gear on my back and immerse.