Can you rely on Balinese people?

Same, same...but different...

Question is can you really rely on them for keeping their word, being punctual, faithful, honest, diligently doing a job for you...?

a) ever

b) never

c) sometimes

d) most of the times

At least it's safe to ask these questions about Balinese people.

Imagine you ask the same questions about yourself...

As the next guy also Balinese people respect and like reliability.

After a handshake on an important business deal if you get a text message “Sorry, deal is off” wouldn’t you be slightly annoyed?

Or looking forward for a meeting with an old friend and receiving a message “Sorry, I'm busy” - probably you wouldn't be too happy either.

In a nutshell, people too full of “Oops, sorry...” are usually not on a top of our desired companions list :)

In long run, in most cases you somehow get what you give.

Person full of empty promises will experience rather more b's than somebody true to his word.

If you are as good as your word, well, you will likely meet a lot of reliable people (not just Balinese).

Yes, I know, you are still waiting for the exact right answer to our initial question. If you are just thinking of hiring a guide, doing a booking for a hotel, buying a ticket...

Or if you are thinking about investing here or doing business in Bali.

If you accept the fact that all the above answers are correct, you will not be disappointed.

However, in Bali you can always rely on a good dose of warmth and laughter – and at the end of the day this counts a lot :)

You don't understand me...

It would be just short of a miracle if you would.

According to Mental Statistics Institute this title is the second most frequently generated human thought.

The first one I will not publish due to possible e-thought police repercussions.

a)      any language is just a rather awkward tool to transform thoughts into words

b)      using this primitive tool to express feelings is bordering to ridiculous

c)      most messages you try to convey can be interpreted in numerous very different ways (due to Murphy’s Law usually the most stupid interpretation gets through)

d)     spoken or written expressions of thoughts or feelings are the major source of misunderstandings

The whole idea how to exchange at least some of the sparks emanating in our neurons, by blowing air through appropriately constricted vocal cords, has been obviously born a little left of stupid.

And later invention of symbols that we can put on a stone, paper or computer screens has been even better.

So much about the evolution.

Due to this incredible achievements we are now absolutely capable of confusing our friends; business partners go berserk when we are expressing ourselves; we are able to order a pizza with extra pepperonis (and get who knows what); we can get pissed off like mad dogs when struggling through some artfully constructed paperwork, that not even lesser Gods would understand; we are able to send declaration of war without bothering to leave our armchair… Fabulous!

Well, I hope you are not mad because of some of my outbursts. Maybe you just got them wrong…:) And I am in no possible manner responsible for the level of understanding you are capable of.

What should we do to prevent negative reactions? Be silent? No writing? Hiding our thoughts? We would be considered really well adapted and wise persons.

Until there comes a time when we are fed up and open our mouth or touch the keyboard…:)

A better idea.

We don our scuba gear and submerge down below.

No words. Not even expectation of words. Your mind is not waiting for words down there.

Mind opens into its primeval mode.

Just an unconditional immersion and you know all.

You simply know.

Vigilante Diver

Vigilante haiku

Water flushing crap

Smoking laptop attacking

I keep on going

By Dusan, reincarnation of Doo Shan, (856 – ?), founder of  extra hot chili sauce and Zen diving

If I see a number of people acting in a way I think is morally unacceptable and I wish to correct such behavior and improve situation, I have a number of options.

a)      I can try to force them to change their ways (through threats of punishment)

b)      I can deliver stern moral lectures, seeking to persuade them to change their ways

c)      I can try the Socratic approach of engaging them in a conversation which probes the roots of their beliefs

d)     or, alternatively, I can encourage everyone to see them as ridiculous, to laugh at them, to render them objects of scorn for the society. In doing so I will probably have at least two purposes in mind: first, to effect some changes in the behavior of the target (so that they reform) and, second, to encourage others not to behave in such a manner

Ad a) As for an effective threat I would need at least something as a loaded shot gun, services of the judge Roy Bean, a flamethrower or ability to make a really threatening face; due to lack of resources this option has been ruled out (with some regret).

Effectiveness: varies from 6 to 10+

Potential dangers of using the force: I can end in jail.

Ad b) Have you ever tried to explain to your vacuum cleaner what Elizabethan poetry is? Well, understanding of what »moral« means among these esteemed characters is slightly lower...

Effectiveness: exact 0

Potential dangers of lecturing: I may go crazy. Oops, you think this has already happened?!

Ad c) Attack through in-depth conversation roots, trunks, branches, leaves and fruits of their beliefs which are threesome:

Money, money and more money.

Effectiveness: 0+

Potential dangers of Socratic approach: I may jump back to a) and end in jail.

Ad d) Because satire often combines anger and humor it can be profoundly disturbing but also very effective. If we manage to make a laughing stock out of these type of people others will think twice before engaging in similar activities.

Effectiveness: varies from 7 to 9

Potential dangers of satire: Low, because as it is essentially ironic or even “militantly” sarcastic, it will not be understood by underprivileged in brain department and will not lead to some freelance carpentry and ecologically unacceptable depletion of forests as in preparing a nice, old fashioned wooden cross to crucify the author…:)

Dangers of Bali

Secret Bali Pirates' Marina

Stories about Indonesian pirates are scary. Likelihood to encounter them on a diving trip in Bali is infinitesimally low. However, you have the right to be informed.

To know how to react in an unlikely event of encounter with pirates in Indonesian waters, here is some background on the structure of piracy business and the best method to fend them off.

We will try to get to the bottom of some crucial questions.

Where are these pirates recruited from? Who are they?

We are looking for some really bad characters with years of experience in illegal activities.

Where the hell are they trained?! What secret training camps are these?

Probably they have years and years of practicing illegal activities under their belts.

What activity is illegal in this country, but still practiced?

Corruption.

Where we would find the highest number of most corrupted individuals?

a)      people toiling at the road works

b)      people working in rice fields

c)      people attending their cattle

d)     public servants in government offices

It’s beyond the scope of my common sense regarding self-preservation (or what’s left of it) to provide you a correct answer.

At least, even if we do not reveal their origins, you will be able to fend them off in case of an attack.

Simply use their ingrained subprogram which prevents them to take even a shit without first receiving a fat envelope.

When they extend a hand for an envelope, as you should bribe them first, so they are stimulated to rob and kill you, you simply do not give it.

And without proper incentive (their holy corruption fee) they are by default disabled for any action.

Dive centers in Bali



But it was soooo cheap...



How to choose a dive centre in Pemuteran, Bali or anywhere else?

What criteria you should consider?

a)      Quality?

b)      Safety?

c)      Professionalism?

d)     Reputation?

e)      Price?

If you take elements a, b, c and d for granted, and your mission is just to shop around for lowest price you may be dead wrong. Pun intended.

We are all spoiled by Western regulations and control and we simply believe if somebody is offering dental services, he is a dentist.

And dive centers are operated by teaching status dive instructors.

And the pilot taking you from A to B is licensed for the plane.

Well, in Bali and many other areas in Indonesia as well, situation is a touch different.

Unfortunately, controlling mechanisms are corrupted.

You know what happens when vital files of your operating system are corrupted?

System regulating and controlling processes and services becomes totally unreliable.

Your choices here are wide open.

You can get anything from top-notch services down to totally unacceptable services and anything in between.

As a friend of mine nicely put: “It’s easy to make a decision, but you have to know, you will have to live with consequences of your decision…”

So, how to proceed when deciding for scuba diving?

Do your homework.

Check with your friends who were already here for any recommendations, check guide books... If you are looking for PADI centers check on PADI web pages, not signs at the roads!

Fiction that owners proudly put on their web pages can provide interesting readings, however, in too many cases it is just this. Fiction. Take it with a truckload of salt :)

If you are already here and deciding; take a look, talk with an instructor, take a look at the equipment you will use, get the feeling and then decide.

If in doubts, better spend a day more on the beach :)

Scuba diving is truly amazing and very safe activity. If conducted properly.

However, if your dive operator not only ignores the basic safety standards, but even does not know what they are – well, then it's more like a Russian roulette, with a barrel pointing at your head...

Do you deserve your diving holidays?

When was the last time you have time to notice me?

You have to work hard in order to spend hard.

For government taxes, extra bills for curing the stress syndromes from work, house painting, car maintenance, buying new appliances, paying monthly bills…

How would you answer about where are you on this long list?

a) I am on a waiting list

b) I will be on the top at exactly when I reach (add 10 years to your age)

c) I must work hard and harder to enjoy later (in my nineties?)

d) I am on 89^th position between refurbishing our living room and buying a new lawn mower

If you think it’s high time to rebel, think first who is making this list.

In the end of the day, you are the guy who is organizing this list.

Yeah, we are getting to some nasty questions. What is really important, what a little less… If we just observe our lives it seems it’s most important to work as hell to satisfy the needs and expectations of society we live in.

And our own needs and expectations are somewhere on the back burner…

If you are really deeply and passionatelly in love with corporations, government, your benevolent employer and you are absolutely altruistic personality then you are doing the right thing. Simply continue to toil hard, make them satisfied and brace you personal needs to minimum.

Or, if you are a little on a wild side, declare a day off and take a hike in the woods; go to a beautiful lake and spend a day there with your favorite book; go for a…

Our choice :)

What is better than good diving holidays?

Vivid, lively, witty, full of fun...

Perfect diving holidays.

Would you have patience to find these ingredients for “A Perfect Diving Martini”?

And don’t even think to shake or stir it.

a) some good company

b) a decent dive base

c) scuba diving compatible ocean

d) some really good time before, during and after diving

Yeah, it's not easy to find all the right ingredients. But on the other hand, it’s not as difficult as some of the tasks you have to do at your every day work. And it's much more rewarding…

As all the elements that can change our ordinary good holidays into something special are equally important, I will address them one by one.

When deciding whom to ask to join, you should be rather positive you are on the same wavelength. During days of diving we make plans, change plans, enjoy the company, share wisdoms, crack jokes, without words exchange feelings about life – and we rely on each other down below the surface.

When looking for and choosing some decent dive center you should use all seven of your senses. If you are just vaguely aware of what sixth sense is, and about seventh sense you have not a clue; well, OK, send a booking enquiry to us and we will see what we can do.

For me scuba diving compatible usually translates into any body of water where I can immerse. However, if it falls into these categories:

water temperature between 27 – 30 C, visibility 20 – 30 meters, more than 1000 different life forms dancing around us; OK, then it is even more likely to be scuba compatible :)

If you did your job with selecting first three ingredients properly the final one will just happen. Exchanging stories, not at the campfire, but on a boat sailing to the dive site; magic of dives; reviving dives with a cup of coffee back in the dive shop…

Do you deserve all this?

Answer will be posted next Thursday…:)