Generalizations

Water is water.

Scuba diving will make you higher than Empire State...

Non divers will never see heavens. Shrinks are undercover psychopaths. Lawyers are undercover criminals. Writers are drunks. People with MBA are literate. Brown noses lead to high positions.

Is generalization useful?

 

a) for jokes

b) for feeling superior

c) for fueling the hate

d) for showing our own idiocy

 

There are just a very few general rules that you can safely use.

For instance, a good example is “If you don't agree with me, you are a moron.”

If you didn't get it I'm just kidding, you are a moron.

 

For these reasons I tend to be a touch more careful even with general truths.

Sun rises in the east.

Yeah, usually, but what if it will rise one day from under my bed?

 

The basic general rule could be, there is no general rule except some exceptions.

 

What are the origins of my problems with general rules? Probably the word “rules”, which obviously calms me as efficiently as a red flag calms a full blooded fighting bull...

 

You must follow at least some basic general rules to be compatible with e-society surrounding you:

- be e-connected at all times

- limit your expressions to one line

- use twit, goo goo, FB and similar tools of interaction

- don't insist on personal interaction – this is a horrible relic of the past and rather repulsive to most of the citizens of the brave, new e-world

 

As my mental katana started to shred these and similar general rules somehow on its own, I wanted to get some help from my doctor.

She said I should prepare full description of my deviations, compress it into 140 characters (as nobody in the known universe is willing to read more than this) and send it to her e-address...

Exciting diving in Bali (or elsewhere)

Keep cool.

 

What should you do deep down when shit hits the fan?

 

a) keep cool

b) keep cool

c) keep cool

d) a, b and c are correct

This advice is useful not just in diving activities but also in most of other aspects of life.

Basic knowledge (theoretical and practical) required for scuba diving is of course essential.

More experience you got, better for you.

If you manage to keep your CPU between your ears switched on, it helps.

Knowledge, experience, sharp mind – these are our guardian angels.

How can we immobilize all of them instantly?

Just start panicking.

Our knowledge becomes nonexistent, no memory of experience, and our mind is numb as a hake.

 

Whatever keeps panic at bay will help.

What mantra would keep us from panicking in an extremely adverse situations?

For instance, when waiter serves wrong pizza?

Or we are descending into an abyss and are not able to figure out how to stop descending towards the bottom at 137 meters?

Or nobody likes our posts on Facebook?

 

OK, rationally we know panic is a killer.

Panic will not help us solve anything, but make the situation even much worse.

But we still panic.

Ratio is not effective against panic.

 

Maybe vanity would help?

Think how stupid panicking guy looks.

A total imbecile.

A full time moron.

Everybody laughing at the guy.

No way to make me panic!

Bali temporary esoteric lovers

Bali High Priests of Eternal Deliverance waiting for you

As it happens your stress is just increasing - figuring out how much time has passed since you've been born is just adding to the stress; you definitely need your quality time (for surfing the net for some real life); you need to personally interact with your friends (on Facebook and Twitter) so obviously you have a very tight window for your esoteric upgrading.

 

Balinesque solutions for instant esoteric mastery will give you:

 

a) esoteric appreciation of your divine personality

b) esoteric confirmation that you are superior to your peers

c) esoteric proofs you are saving the world

d) esoteric bullshit (miscellaneous)

 

As new age gurus back at your home have opportunity to milk you weekend after weekend, and Bali cowboys can do it here just during your holiday, they have to be a touch more efficient.

You will receive all the essentials you crave for in minimum required time.

Including the price to pay.

Specialists like “Kuta cowboys”, Ubud “Literature cowboys”, Lovina “Beach bums” will listen to you and confirm your divine qualities are way higher than of any other known living soul. They will explain to you that these divine qualities of yours are the main and only reason that not enlightened society can not understand and properly reward all your supernatural qualities.

Just before you melt yourself into a tiny puddle, they will explain to you that they would do for you anything possible.

As it seems your major problem is a tremendous burden of money you are dragging around.

Totally unselfishly they will accept this burden on their own shoulders.

 

In the end of the day you are soft as a piece of butter forgotten on a tropical beach and guru goes drinking with his friends.

Yeah, what else is new...?

 

However, you can also come to Bali not looking for a Holy Grail of The Final Truth, without any expectations to solve all the miseries life is offering – and likelihood to find the truth and solutions increases dramatically...;)

 

Shocking Bali

No, not a team building effort, just start of festivities

If you are coming to Bali from Boston, San Francisco, Podpulfrca, Paris, London, Pyongyang, Cologne, or even godforsaken New York; get ready for a total shock.

What?!

 

a) climate

b) traffic

c) language

d) food

 

None of these.

Much worse. Brace yourself. Be strong. Composed.

People are not normal here. All of them.

 

Probably they add something into the drinking water.

People are performing all the tasks as you and me and still have the time for each other, for soft joking, a load of smiles, wasting time with pleasantries. For instance, when waiting half an hour in the bank you finally encounter a beaming, sincere smile of a young lady and her apology “Good morning, Mr. Dusan, it must have been terrible for you waiting soooo long...” Well, then, even such an inpatient moron as I can be, can not do else but return the smile and ask her if her day is at least approximately as nice as she is...

 

I'm aware it's against our holly western business religious principles (a mortal sin, when I last checked) to waste our precious time for making life pleasant.

Wasting our time (life) being useful brings plus points.

Spending our time (life) being happy brings minus points.

As Dark Age of multinational corporations has reached it's zenith, now number of renegades who do not want to go by these rules is growing.

 

Can you imagine where this rebellion can lead?

At the moment most people do for their survival something that definitely is not making their lives heaven on the Earth. Doctors bitching about their patients who need prescriptions, paper pushing managers hating paperwork, lawyers going nuts over their lying clients, office apple polishers with brown noses hating their peers...

 

And some totally unadapted individuals are doing what they love to do. Those weird people obviously do not know the difference between hobby (pleasure) and job (suffer).

Soul craving for artistic expression makes a great artist and a lousy accountant.

Somebody lacking social skills but in love with carpentry would probably not make the best PR guy in town, but a terrific carpenter.

 

And person with severe case of maniacal devotion and addiction to scuba diving is maybe not the best choice for being a humble member of a bigger corporation (already proven), but can make a decent bonvivan style dive operator...

Celebrities diving in Bali

Dedicated to you

If you are expecting names and revealing photos of celebrities diving with us (Hollywood movie director, rock musician, infamous Petra K., top fashion photographer, controversial writer etc.) you can click something else on your screen. It's hard to believe, but they come here to enjoy, not to entertain you (or me). Privacy?

However, we'll try to get the answer to the following:

If you are at the moment a celebrity only within your home village, but somehow you are not yet a global celebrity, what can be the reason?

 

a) your C.V. lacks confirmation “been diving with Easy Divers”

b) you never had fried bananas with honey at Suki's

c) you are still on our waiting list

d) you are not a diver

 

In case you found one, two, three or even all four reasons for your obscurity and general misery, maybe, just maybe, we can help you out. Just send your humble plea for booking with us to our Customer Service Department in Utar Pradesh, India. Girls working there (for a dollar and half per day) are salivating to answer all your requests.

 

Compared to the price of a typical workshop “Raising your self-esteem for 6 inches”, diving with us will cost you less and effect will be the same or better.

 

In case somebody missed it, self esteem and general feeling of being good we can not improve by trying to impress others.

 

However, whenever I impress myself by doing something at least half decent, the goal is achieved.

Breakfast with Genghis Khan

Wherever you are. Whatever you do.
Enjoy.

Good diving holidays are not exactly the same thing as tea bag diving (put your gear on, submerge, get out of the water, pay, go) and sometimes it's prudent to expect some unexpected things to happen. You may meet people that you would never met at your office, you may decide for reunions later on...

What you should pay attention to?

 

a) that you are not desperately looking for solutions to all your problems

b) that you do not take life too seriously

c) that you put nice things up front and depressing things on a back burner

d) that you are not late for next day dive trip

 

Diving holidays can fill your mind and heart with rainbow that can last (literary) for ages. Or they can be just another fashionable waste of time and money.

Basically the very same thing that's happening to our lives...

 

Probably you already noticed that different pubs, clubs, gatherings attract rather different type of people. And you developed preferences which you like, which you tolerate and which you do not like at all.

Same goes for diving centers.

Beside selecting a dive shop where at least somebody knows a few basic things about scuba diving (not an easy task in Pemuteran area), it really makes sense to figure out which one will offer you what you are looking for. Good diving, good company...

Which dive center is the best?

As two dive shops are not breathing the same philosophy, as two divers are not the same, I have no final answer for you.

If we are excellent for some, it doesn't mean we are excellent for everybody.

 

Really good news:

So far none of our divers complained that after having a great diving holidays with us, meeting a soul mate on dive trips, spending some beautiful time in our village – has ended with a “Breakfast with Genghis Kan...”

I like to take my breakfasts on my own.

Are you rich?

Gold encrusted pearls, sweet rainbow, treasures all around me...

First try to figure out what being rich means?

 

a) amount of cash big enough that you have serious problem to spell the figure correctly

b) property so big that tax people are getting multiple orgasms by just thinking about taxing it

c) more expensive cars in your stable that neighbor can afford

d) credit card so black, that you can buy happiness with it

 

This one is really simple. All answers are correct. Every idiot knows this. Stress in the last sentence is on a second word.

Many tried this way. Many are trying right now.

Rate of success: zero.

Somehow it just doesn't work.

 

Am I disgusted by money, by property? Am I the leading guru of the “Poverty Is My Heaven” cult?

Not exactly.

I am not working for peanuts.

But I do not tend to salivate over accumulated euros, dollars...

They make my days comfortable.

I can take you for the best “kremschnitte”, without worrying if I will have to wash dishes as I can not pay the bill.

But there is no price tag on sparks in your eyes and heart. If I'm really rich I can turn them on. And your smile. And your...

 

Being rich (or for that matter happy, sad, troubled, miserable, ecstatic...) is not a number.

It's a state of mind.

When I don't crave for something out of my reach but I am full of cravings for what I have.

Good, old music; trusted books; cats ruling the Winter Castle; biting your shoulder; walks that lead to destinations or to no destination; pasta with basilica sauce; laces and ...; switched off plasma TV; burning logs telling their tales...