Just a fair warning

Trust me with your life...

Is it a fact that scuba diving instructing can do anybody?

When you explore underwater dreamland (for the first or twentieth or two-hundreds time), what do you expect from your dive guide, divemaster, instructor?

 

a) he knows shit about diving

b) his attention to you is extremely focused (on your wallet)

c) he can calm you by stating: “Trust me, I'm Paddy!”

d) service is cheap

 

If you choose answer d, answers a, b and c will be fulfilled automatically.

 

I'm not overly demanding scuba instructor. I also do not expect the world to be a perfect place.

However, when I hear leader of “PADI trecking, skuba diving and monkey business” selling crap to his victims, I still wish for some medieval measures to take care of swindlers.

 

Problem is, we take certain things for granted. If I see a sign PADI on a dive shop, I expect it's a PADI certified resort. Meaning a certified instructor is running the operation, it's professional, reliable and safe for scuba activity.

 

In Bali, Indonesia, you can see PADI sign on trucks (denoting a good delivery services), PADI jungle tours (denoting they are jungle experts), dive shacks (implying you should trust them with your life), PADI toilets (this one I haven't figured out the advantage yet)...

Looks like PADI and Indonesian government decided PADI logo is public domain in Indonesia and therefore of no use for you when choosing some reliable dive operation.

 

On what you can rely in corrupted and / or incompetent jungles of south east Asia?

 

PADI logo on a signboard? Anybody can put whatever he thinks will bring some traffic.

Government control? Are you kidding?!?!

Guardian angel leading you to a safe facility? Hmm, better sell your ticket for Bali.

PADI taking all legal steps to prevent misleading innocent divers? See “Government control”.

 

So far, I repeat, so far, PADI official web pages with a Dive Shop Locator are still not compromised. You can find only legitimate PADI dive businesses there.

It would be prudent to ask for advice also your diving friends, your certifying instructor, maybe advice from your local diving club, do some internet research – anyhow, it's your safety and pleasure in question, not mine :)

Is the world heading towards Stupidityville?

Wau!!! Iiiiiiiiiii!!!

A serious question is if we can jump off this wagon heading where we really do not want to end.

How fast are we approaching destination?

Any stops on the way?

Can we get off?

 

a) journey is too fast and too pleasant

b) we travel first class

c) all my friends are on this train

d) everybody loves me on this train

 

If you check surrounding countryside, you may notice we are already there. We can do a simple experiment. Send a tweet to your loving partner, standing next to you, watching amazing sunset. “Iiiiiiii, fab sunset!!!” When you see your partner googling for pics of fab sunsets, you'll know destination Stupidityville has been reached.

Is it so bad?

No.

It's worse.

 

I've seen ghost of George Orwell, watching this train taking humanity into oblivion, crying helplessly. And all the artists, writers, poets, even two philosophers..., they simply couldn't get the meaning of Ha!!!, Wau!!!, Iiiiiiii... and similar eloquent onomatopoetic expressions, that denote all the mysterious depths of our souls today.

 

There is a proposal of an EU / USA directive to throw certain types of heretics on e-stakes and burn them.

The worst and most dangerous to our brave new world are:

 

Individuals soaking in different shades of green in their garden, while listening to crying of Mark Knopfler's Fender Stratocaster guitar...

Crazy highlanders, enjoying the snow covered paths in the Alps or sipping mocha under palm trees in a small, medieval Mediterranean coastal town and relishing the good company...

Maniacs willing to read a book after book, taking a walk after walk, a road-trip after road-trip, still operating on the weird assumptions that best interface for human to human interaction are fingers touching fingers, not the screen...

 

Somehow, I've never been a devoted fan of big crowds. Either yelling at football matches, screaming with a bunch of illiterate revolutionaries, posting five times a day stupidities on antisocial networks, crowding on a Rio de Janeiro beaches...

Joining hordes of e-community for the sake of being e-compatible with society? No, thank you.

 

A few trusted friends, some good, old immorality, some wise cats to remind me of priorities in life, some good dives, some chili in my meals, some shameless waste of time – and life makes sense.

Perceptions of Bali (and everything else)

A winter path in the Alps or a frog fish in Bali?

How you can be sure this is a scene from a winter walking tour in the Alps or really sure this is an underwater photo of a frog fish in Bali?

As you have your eyes and brains it's rather easy.

 

a) snow on branches is typical for Alps

b) bare trees and branches are typical for wintertime Alps

c) dark brown frog fish in the center is typical for underwater environment

d) corals growing from the underwater wall are typical for Menjangan walls

 

If you were with me when taking this photo, you would know. As it is, even unedited photo, additional information, your eyes, your brain, your vast knowledge accumulated through years... doesn't help.

Your perception will still let you recognize it for what it is or for what it isn't.

And this is a just a photo.

 

Very much same goes for our perceptions of ideas, facts, people... And yet in these a touch more important departments we can be so sure of our proper perception that it hurts.

I have no doubt whatsoever that she is lazy, he is stupid and greedy, that the Moon and clouds are making love, that rainbow tastes way sweeter than a snowflake...

In two cases I'm sweetly right, in two I'm brilliantly wrong - no wonder so much aggravation, stress, anger and other nice things are floating around...

 

It's interesting that most of the things about which nobody could say true or false with any degree of certainty, we can easily declare as holly truth.

Not even the fact, that most of our perceptions are in fact the most beautiful examples of misperceptions, can not change our sacred perceptions.

Well, if our “infallible” perceptions make as happy, so be it...

Or...?

Generalizations

Water is water.

Scuba diving will make you higher than Empire State...

Non divers will never see heavens. Shrinks are undercover psychopaths. Lawyers are undercover criminals. Writers are drunks. People with MBA are literate. Brown noses lead to high positions.

Is generalization useful?

 

a) for jokes

b) for feeling superior

c) for fueling the hate

d) for showing our own idiocy

 

There are just a very few general rules that you can safely use.

For instance, a good example is “If you don't agree with me, you are a moron.”

If you didn't get it I'm just kidding, you are a moron.

 

For these reasons I tend to be a touch more careful even with general truths.

Sun rises in the east.

Yeah, usually, but what if it will rise one day from under my bed?

 

The basic general rule could be, there is no general rule except some exceptions.

 

What are the origins of my problems with general rules? Probably the word “rules”, which obviously calms me as efficiently as a red flag calms a full blooded fighting bull...

 

You must follow at least some basic general rules to be compatible with e-society surrounding you:

- be e-connected at all times

- limit your expressions to one line

- use twit, goo goo, FB and similar tools of interaction

- don't insist on personal interaction – this is a horrible relic of the past and rather repulsive to most of the citizens of the brave, new e-world

 

As my mental katana started to shred these and similar general rules somehow on its own, I wanted to get some help from my doctor.

She said I should prepare full description of my deviations, compress it into 140 characters (as nobody in the known universe is willing to read more than this) and send it to her e-address...

Exciting diving in Bali (or elsewhere)

Keep cool.

 

What should you do deep down when shit hits the fan?

 

a) keep cool

b) keep cool

c) keep cool

d) a, b and c are correct

This advice is useful not just in diving activities but also in most of other aspects of life.

Basic knowledge (theoretical and practical) required for scuba diving is of course essential.

More experience you got, better for you.

If you manage to keep your CPU between your ears switched on, it helps.

Knowledge, experience, sharp mind – these are our guardian angels.

How can we immobilize all of them instantly?

Just start panicking.

Our knowledge becomes nonexistent, no memory of experience, and our mind is numb as a hake.

 

Whatever keeps panic at bay will help.

What mantra would keep us from panicking in an extremely adverse situations?

For instance, when waiter serves wrong pizza?

Or we are descending into an abyss and are not able to figure out how to stop descending towards the bottom at 137 meters?

Or nobody likes our posts on Facebook?

 

OK, rationally we know panic is a killer.

Panic will not help us solve anything, but make the situation even much worse.

But we still panic.

Ratio is not effective against panic.

 

Maybe vanity would help?

Think how stupid panicking guy looks.

A total imbecile.

A full time moron.

Everybody laughing at the guy.

No way to make me panic!

Bali temporary esoteric lovers

Bali High Priests of Eternal Deliverance waiting for you

As it happens your stress is just increasing - figuring out how much time has passed since you've been born is just adding to the stress; you definitely need your quality time (for surfing the net for some real life); you need to personally interact with your friends (on Facebook and Twitter) so obviously you have a very tight window for your esoteric upgrading.

 

Balinesque solutions for instant esoteric mastery will give you:

 

a) esoteric appreciation of your divine personality

b) esoteric confirmation that you are superior to your peers

c) esoteric proofs you are saving the world

d) esoteric bullshit (miscellaneous)

 

As new age gurus back at your home have opportunity to milk you weekend after weekend, and Bali cowboys can do it here just during your holiday, they have to be a touch more efficient.

You will receive all the essentials you crave for in minimum required time.

Including the price to pay.

Specialists like “Kuta cowboys”, Ubud “Literature cowboys”, Lovina “Beach bums” will listen to you and confirm your divine qualities are way higher than of any other known living soul. They will explain to you that these divine qualities of yours are the main and only reason that not enlightened society can not understand and properly reward all your supernatural qualities.

Just before you melt yourself into a tiny puddle, they will explain to you that they would do for you anything possible.

As it seems your major problem is a tremendous burden of money you are dragging around.

Totally unselfishly they will accept this burden on their own shoulders.

 

In the end of the day you are soft as a piece of butter forgotten on a tropical beach and guru goes drinking with his friends.

Yeah, what else is new...?

 

However, you can also come to Bali not looking for a Holy Grail of The Final Truth, without any expectations to solve all the miseries life is offering – and likelihood to find the truth and solutions increases dramatically...;)

 

Shocking Bali

No, not a team building effort, just start of festivities

If you are coming to Bali from Boston, San Francisco, Podpulfrca, Paris, London, Pyongyang, Cologne, or even godforsaken New York; get ready for a total shock.

What?!

 

a) climate

b) traffic

c) language

d) food

 

None of these.

Much worse. Brace yourself. Be strong. Composed.

People are not normal here. All of them.

 

Probably they add something into the drinking water.

People are performing all the tasks as you and me and still have the time for each other, for soft joking, a load of smiles, wasting time with pleasantries. For instance, when waiting half an hour in the bank you finally encounter a beaming, sincere smile of a young lady and her apology “Good morning, Mr. Dusan, it must have been terrible for you waiting soooo long...” Well, then, even such an inpatient moron as I can be, can not do else but return the smile and ask her if her day is at least approximately as nice as she is...

 

I'm aware it's against our holly western business religious principles (a mortal sin, when I last checked) to waste our precious time for making life pleasant.

Wasting our time (life) being useful brings plus points.

Spending our time (life) being happy brings minus points.

As Dark Age of multinational corporations has reached it's zenith, now number of renegades who do not want to go by these rules is growing.

 

Can you imagine where this rebellion can lead?

At the moment most people do for their survival something that definitely is not making their lives heaven on the Earth. Doctors bitching about their patients who need prescriptions, paper pushing managers hating paperwork, lawyers going nuts over their lying clients, office apple polishers with brown noses hating their peers...

 

And some totally unadapted individuals are doing what they love to do. Those weird people obviously do not know the difference between hobby (pleasure) and job (suffer).

Soul craving for artistic expression makes a great artist and a lousy accountant.

Somebody lacking social skills but in love with carpentry would probably not make the best PR guy in town, but a terrific carpenter.

 

And person with severe case of maniacal devotion and addiction to scuba diving is maybe not the best choice for being a humble member of a bigger corporation (already proven), but can make a decent bonvivan style dive operator...