Thursday, December 27, 2012

Xmas, New Year, Klungkung

All the fish of one sweet rainbow...

For those who still haven't got it.
It's holidays time!!!!

No lectures. No tests. No preaching.

Time for wishes and important decisions.
Some ideas: less, sin more, enjoy fully, breathe in life, exhale what you don't need...
you get my drift? :)

Thursday, December 20, 2012


Doomsday - photo documentation

The end of the world... documented. With time stamp. With Nothingness at all its glory.

That's it disciples of mine.

I warned you some time ago. Our days are numbered.
When disappearing mango pie and apocalyptic big red ant cross their 62nd hyper dimensional paths on an illusional ceramic plate (which happens every 1.657.362 years and few minutes) everything will disappear.
Not just you and the Earth. Not just our galaxy. Not just our Universe.
All these I could still cope with.
But just to think even all the enormity and glory of human stupidity gone forever...

Oh, me, myself, oh, I, great master of keyboards and undisclosed bank accounts, can I prevent the Final Tragedy?!
There is a tiny speck of light in the darkness of your despair.
Maybe, just maybe, I will save Everything again.
Do not despair! I'm still here to help you...
What you should do now?

a) reroute all the negative energy accumulated in your bank accounts to my account
b) promise immediately you will worship me forever with your credit cards
c) you will send me Thank you notes (US$, €...) every day
d) you will polish my new Aston Martin every day

My followers, I know, Prozac you can not get any more even on a black market, internet is fried from calls for help, pizza delivery is late and you are freaking out (well, at least this is normal)...
Only solid rock in this turbid times you find with me.
Trust me.
Rely on me.
Believe me.
I know exactly what is the best for you, my fantastically enlightened followers.

How real is this danger you can see from photo of Everything taken tomorrow (22nd of December, at 12.13), exactly one minute after The End.
The best scientists from major universities tried to find traces of Andromeda, your boss' favorite coffee mug, pyramids at Giza, your missed opportunities - nothing. Nothing!!!

Just say Thank you, oh, Master! in somewhat larger amounts and tomorrow morning I'll save you and and you and you...

Uh, just to do all the i's and cross all the t's.
In a very unlikely event, if I would mess up something tomorrow, guys, it's been a pleasure.
It's been an honor.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mango, mango pie, mango jam & you

Now take your silk panties and clean the screen! Don't lick the screen!

Here you can smell, taste and even see a properly prepared and properly served mango pie.
State the most important reasons why you should not eat this mango pie:

a) whatever is too good for you is anyhow illegal or at least immoral
b) it is against certain religious principles
c) this one is served only in Bali and you prefer to stay in dark, damp, cold climate
d) this greedy diver can go ballistic, if you would only think about it

Yes, several very good reasons not to go after mango pie. No worries. I will finish it all. Slowly. Savoring every bite.
However, as you are my best friends, I will allow you to make some apple pie, blueberry cake and similar godly pastries for me during my holidays in cold parts of the globe.

We did try to create a replica of this mango pie one winter in European mountains. Due to creativity of the chef it's been flavored even with dark chocolate, she added a touch of genuine mango jam to fresh mango slices and it's survival time was much shorter than creation time. This said I don't have to explain how delicious it's been.

Fusion cuisine definitely has it's merits.
Mediterranean cuisine can be gently infused into Balinese cuisine and vice versa.
Or ultra delicious Slovenian dumplings stuffed with ripe plums, topped with buttered breadcrumbs and sugar and flavored with cinnamon. Ripe mango instead of plums – and we have a tropical variety...
However, there are some things that require proper location, time, company..., to give us full pleasure. Sipping from freshly open coconut on a tropical beach is a touch different from sipping it in front of the fireplace somewhere in the snow covered mountains.
Or having a shot of home-made ice cold cherry brandy after a long walk in the snow will keep your juices flowing. Doing this in tropical climate will probably just make you hug the earth...

So, wisdom of the day: some things can come to us, for some things we have to move our asses.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Wisdom comes with age

Also Sprach Zarathustra...

As you are getting older and older and even older... you definitely need some consolation to compensate for your ailing overall status. Have some compassionate help from your scuba diving Highlander.
You can always find comfort in some facts describing your life:

a) you are getting too old too soon, and smart too late
b) wisdom comes with age, and too often age will visit you on her own
c) you successfully fucked up 99,99% of highlights of your life (mostly for false morality reasons)
d) you are too old to rock'n'roll and too young to die

Are you already pissed off with a kind of a “help” I'm offering to you?
Good. Very good.
Direct this negative feeling to all the constraints preventing you to live your life to the maximum extent. Annihilate all the cages, chains, obstacles. Be yourself.

And don't try to sell me the crap that you are already what you really are. Crash course workshops teachings how to love yourself, to be yourself are efficient just for reducing your funds. Crap you bring to this workshops on weekends you carry again on Mondays...

Yes, you are really a lucky person to encounter such a gentle, compassionate (I do hope you add wise automatically!) guru as me...
By luring you into being free, being what you really are I by no means do not urge you to open your Pandora box of hidden hates.
So, please don't jump out of your cave and shoot the neighbor, because you hate the way he is closing the lid on a garbage can.
Open the other box, box full of beautiful feelings.
Allow yourself to approach with a smile, a nice word, somebody you find charming. Very soon you will find out you find charming persons everywhere. A tired girl working at a supermarket, a helpful librarian, a masculine fireman, a girl with sparks in her eyes and her heart…
You give them some of your (beats me why, but usually extremely well hidden) love and you will be rewarded.
You will not just forget about irritation your brain damaged boss is causing, you will find out food tastes better, the sky smells sweeter, the clouds are whispering nice things to you...
And you will somehow start receiving what you are spreading around you.

Yes, a touch different workshop than the ones you can book at your favorite esoteric “Special offers gurus”...

You don't have to work on this.
You don't have to stare into nothingness for hours and claim you are absorbed into The Navel of The Final Truth.
You are not expected to use (waste) half of your life to find yourself. Even if you haven't noticed yet, you already are.
A pearl. A piece of shit. An angel.
Depends on the time of the day and shoes you wear.
You don't have to pay the deposit, the bill or donation for this.

Summa summarum:
No work, so we can eliminate word work from workshop.
No shopping, as I am not selling you anything, so we can eliminate word shop.
Remains nothing.
And nothing can be sometimes even nicer gift than everything.

I sincerely hope, that this brilliant, inspirational, eloquent masterpiece is not in any way offending to shit selling new age gurus.

As one of my not so bright students pronounced on a good day:

“Let it be... Naked.” P. McCartney, 2003