Thursday, November 29, 2012

Passion, scuba diving, love

Destination: Cloud No.9

Determine what is common to passionate love making and passionate scuba diving!

a) passion
b) sensation of flying through the moonlight at high noon
c) importance of the buddy
d) all of the above

Dear, valued disciple of mine!
If you have spend more than a second before choosing d, well, stone yourself with facebook...

Without a good dose of hot-blooded passion, well, in the best case scenario, it is more or less like smelling the roses with a gas mask on your face.

Your ordinary dulled senses are fantastically enhanced. New input is exploding inside you. You feel like a blind guy who discovers he's not really blind, just wearing a hat two sizes too big.

A buddy that becomes a part of you and you are a part of your partner. Endless, time limited yet eternal eons of pleasures absorbing both of you... And again...
A touch better idea than a partner who will comply with words: “If you really want it but didn't we do it just few days ago...?”

Maybe you would like to know am I talking about love making or scuba diving?

If there is still room in your e-fried brains for temptation to try this and you are attacking google for manuals like Open Water Diver Manual and Kamasutra, well, it's a long way to go...
A very long way...
These manuals are like a manual for your DVD player. Plug in, press play, press escape and so on...
But no hint in this manual why to get Akira Kurosawa “Seven Samurai” and how to immerse into the three and half hours of a different universe...

Thursday, November 22, 2012


Do you want to see what's beneath the surface?

Is it illegal or just e-socially unacceptable to deeply immerse into anything?
Immerse so deeply you forget for the time being about shopping, politics, your ex, your future, work...
a) not exactly, however, your controllers are definitely not pleased with you
b) ideas to immerse in a book, walk with a friend, under the water are becoming rather alien
c) total immersion can open your mind and you will be ostracized from e-reality
d) it can make you feel a human (absolute mortal e-sin)

To exorcize ideas from a to d you are welcome to immerse into a shopping spree, political discussions, talking without saying anything...
Immerse into skimming the surface.
Remember: just the surface.
Of life, feelings, thoughts, believes...
An interesting new religion.
Some renegades call it a slaughterhouse of the souls.
However, if you prefer less crowded places, join the limited membership club where people are not yet e-people, where people still share laughs, feelings, jokes, wisdoms, ice creams, silence...
We can really indulge in immersion.
These immersions are not limited just bellow the surface of blue waters.
Immersing in our old friends (or newly met friends), immersing in new surroundings, immersing in hellishly hot chilli sauce, immersing in tranquility, immersing in the soul of blue planet and purging all the ballast from our overloaded minds.

For such a rainbow dive trips we do not need photos for memory.

They become part of our souls.

Thursday, November 15, 2012



Can you remember any occasions you used this word?
Starting with “a close call” meaning as in: I almost got swallowed by a pigmy sea horse, I almost forgot where my head is... and escalating into total failures on your timeline...
a) I almost survived the car crash (on a tombstone)
b) I almost got back to my ideal weight
c) I almost reached the rainbow
d) I almost quit smoking
And about 1.465.876.389 other occasions. Rather an impressive number of failures. That's what “almost” denotes, isn't it?
Sometimes this almost is highly undesired.
Patient almost survived a fantastic procedure of a brilliant surgeon...
A diver almost got his hand on a secure outcrop, however, as it happens...
How to stop feeling (deservedly) that you are developing into a perfect impersonation of a failure?
Eliminate all the “almost” accompanying you.
Aim your artillery lower.
As long as you are shooting at the stars (a to d and some others), your old cannonball will fly from one miss to another. Aim to something you are able to hit.
I will eat this delicious Sacher cake.
I won't do anything productive all day.
I will watch other people working their asses of.
I will show a mental finger to anybody telling me to start working.
I will not abuse and overheat my brain to try to understand the world.
And so on...
Almost no need for dreaded "almost" at achieving these goals :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Job applications - scuba instructors

Pick me, I am so unique...

Without proper references, who the hell you think will employ you?
Of course you are a fabulous diver, a fantastic team player, willing to work 24/7, invaluable asset for any company, willing to work your ass off for peanuts, you are IT genius, you know all about diving and you are willing to learn more...
And yes, I am always impressed when I read your statements about your extensive divers data base. And willingness of both divers to follow you to your new place of work.
Great, but can you present verified documents clearly confirming that you meet at least basic requirements for this job:

a) you successfully managed Kindergarten for more than 3 years
b) you got decorated as a drill sergeant at Marine boot camp
c) you are direct descendant of Confucius and Mother Teresa
d) you know where to get the best ice cream

In a very unlikely event you are not able to produce these documents, you can keep your apple polishing job at insurance company.

Give me a break. It's no fun opening application after application with only one difference - your name.
I hope you got the point?
With a long list of "copy – paste" superlatives in your application you will not even get a reply. However, you may send a “Thank you” note to imbeciles advising you how to prepare a good C.V.

Don't look for a shoulder to cry on.
Better establish and test your values first.

Start working in diving business wherever you are.
Deadwood, South Dakota; outbacks of Paris, France; Scotland; Swiss Alps; rolling hills of Slovenia... Let know divers you are willing to share your expertise with them. You find divers everywhere (with possible exceptions of Tamanraset in Algeria and Nylam, Tibet).
Let them know how much you expect in compensation for your work!
You will pass or fail first reality check.

If successful, continue. Offer them a trip you will organize for them. Clearly state they will pay you for your work.
Again success? Repeat customers?

Think about opening your own dive business or joining forces with an established one or answer to businesses looking for your services.

And in a while you will start receiving applications “I am a dream of every dive shop operator, you must hire me...”. And the circle is unbroken.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

To dive or not to dive

Huh, what was the question...?

This subject is so gravely serious that I have to address it properly. Sarcasm, humor, a strong dose of cynicism, some facts and a gentle kick in the ass would maybe do the job.
Is it absolutely essential that every aqua-phobic human engages in scuba diving just because this activity is so in?

a) no
b) no
c) no
d) no
As the art of swallowing the sword is not exactly for everyone, also scuba diving is not exactly for everyone.

In a nutshell, if you want just to prove something with scuba diving, please, please, please! just find something else.
As I see scuba diving, this shouldn't be an exercise in survival. Flailing arms and legs may represent a freaked out Shiva on amphetamines in a theater, however, we are talking about diving here.
Eyes bigger than a mask somehow do not necessarily represent a person enjoying in a nice, tranquil activity.
Frantically grabbing for non existent handles under the water to climb and escape from terrible wet environment to safety of his or hers cave looks at the best of the times pathetic.
On the other hand, if you have a true desire, you would really like to experience something so far reserved only for gods, do it, immerse in the waters.
I enjoy being in the water with seasoned professionals, highly experienced divers or absolute beginners getting their first impressions of scuba diving.
You may be fearless, your anxiety may be elevated – as long as you soak in the beauty of diving I am your best friend.
If your first steps towards levitation are a little hesitant or awkward, I will guide you slowly and gently.
If you glide through the water as a lazy, dreamy piece of stardust, my soul will smile with you.

And from time to time, I will do some solo, meditation diving, for my soul and souls of all my friends :)