Thursday, May 31, 2012

West meets East, Part II

Transport in Bali

You need a transport from A to B and back in Bali.
How traveling by public transport in Bali works?

a)      you find the bus stop 
b)      you drag your luggage towards a bus stop
c)      you consult the schedule posted on the bus stop
d)     you buy your ticket online

All correct!
However, not in Bali

Bus stop in Bali is any place where people decide to get on or off the bus.
For exact timing of arrival and departure you need a very accurate watch.
Exactly when the bus appears at your selected waiting point (bus stop) is the time of arrival. Exactly when the driver decides to pull off is the time of departure.
All the timings and movements of the bus are interconnected with the number of passengers, presence of a tourist passenger, moon phase and color of driver’s underwear.

I tried to explain the advantages of Western system to a local bus driver.

“You see, every morning bus will start from bus stop A at 07.00 and at 07.14 bus will stop at my bus stop B and arrive to my destination bus stop C at 07.28. As it will not stop in between for whatever reason I can rely on this schedule and use it to commute to my working place.”

I was impressed with my own brilliant explanation of these advantages, however, guy obviously allowed some skepticism to trickle into his questions and conclusion…

Do they do this for money?
Yes, of course.
So, they get money from passengers, same as we do here?
Of course.
What about if it is still empty at 07.00?
It must start, this is the point of a schedule.
And if your bus stop B is empty, will it wait for passengers?
No, must move on, schedule is schedule.
OK, and if you are a little late, still walking to your bus stop B at 07.14 will it stop and pick you up?
Well, no, bus can stop only at bus stops. Additional stops can ruin the schedule.

Hmm..., I see, so, if at 07.00 there are no passengers bus will start anyway, if bus stop B is empty he will stop and continue, if a passenger willing to pay is waving him down outside the bus stop, it will not pick him – so, you sometimes work your ass off for nothing, all for the sake of the schedule… This Schedule must be one of your most powerful Gods…

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Bali and karma

Also Sprach Mazi, our guru

Do you have to believe in karma when visiting Bali?

a)      not necessarily, I don’t believe in gravitation when visiting Europe, and I still fall on my ass from time to time
b)      believing or not believing has no influence on your karma
c)      visiting or not visiting Bali has no influence on your karma
d)     your karma is simply what you are and what you deserve

Most cultures use different sayings describing basic karma principle.
What you give is what you get.
What you sow is what you reap…

Karma is a rather simple action reaction thing.
Acting, arrogance, greediness… and similar “qualities” all tend to make lives of those unfortunate beings living close to such a person and this person’s own life miserable.
Do I hear shouting: “I am not like this! Never!!!”

Have you ever enthusiastically nodded to the "wisdom" of your retarded boss when it was clear as Norwegian still water that your boss is just bullshitting?
Have you ever experienced that certain situation demands one and only one solution, just others were simply not capable of understanding your brilliance…?
Have you ever wanted more money, attention, pleasure, free time, better position…?

Well, for myself I can say yes to all three questions :)
Looks like it's not easy to avoid of building up at least some bad karma...

No panic necessary, luckily most of us experience also different impulses.
Sometimes we feel it would make us feel better if we share something, give something, help somebody…
As long as this is simply our desire to do it, it improves our karma nicely.

However, there are some things that can ruin the karma really badly. For instance abuse of the power.
If you played a sleazy trick on an employee yesterday, just to prove how low you can get, and next day you are all smiles and sweet-talking to another employee to make up for previous day, well, this is a typical case…
Your karma is just dropping down the shitter for both your arrogance and your sleaziness.

If you believe that causing misery to others will improve your power and your well- being...
If your answer, by any chance is yes, oh, unfortunate leader, then it is a high time to ask yourself “What the hell is wrong with me?!”

And for you, my friend, just to ease your mind, knowing me brings you 30 + karma points, offering a Bounty chocolate bar to your boss another 50 + karma points…:)

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The art of SCUBA diving

Diving in Bali, Pemuteran

Try to pick what determines SCUBA diving and SCUBA divers.

a)      learning how to survive (with flailing arms and bulging eyes) exposure to hostile liquid environment
b)      filling the check boxes for new destinations and new fishes you must see
c)      collecting diving licenses and bragging about it
d)     a pleasure of extreme adrenaline activity

So called divers, who would pick the above answers as suitable, are about as far from diving as an average New York’ cockroach is from becoming next president of the USA.

SCUBA diving is a fusion of poetry, philosophy, perception, feelings – life itself in a fullest meaning.
It takes you to the four dimensional path meandering towards freedom. When the fifth dimension of Freedom touches your heart you become a Diver.

You are returning to times when you were safe in a liquid environment of your mother’s womb, you are returning to times when your not so bright ancestors, eons ago, decided to crawl out of the sea.
You reach out to faraway times beyond some distant horizons.
You master when and how to stop, when to take a shortcut, when a detour…
You abandon perception of time as a line leading from the past through now into the future. You see the time is just another universe worth exploring.

Your mind, soul and heart are open. You are able to immerse, to see below the surface – not just when diving,..
You may find a buddy with whom you will bond. Buddy may stay or stray. However, trust, companionship, respect, rainbow… are timeless.

Your personal bushido may change a lot. Your telling right from wrong may become extremely strange to majority. You may be called renegade, hard core individualist, ocean cowboy, ronin of 21st century, absolute loser…
Who cares?
What you experience on this path is worth way, way more.

This is a part of my path.
e-path…….not found….:)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Kiss my octopus

SCUBA diving

What are the new trends in SCUBA business?
Focus on e- and i- and absolute alienation from real world?

a)      as customers are becoming more and more brainwashed and transformed into i-sapiens, a new, underwater i-Babbler gadget will hit the market (and your pockets) very soon
b)      new i-Babbler will transmit your eloquently expressed deepest feelings in maximum 12 characters – enough for your “aaa…” and brilliant responses from your friends “iii…”, “uuu…”
c)      i-Babbler will be connected to all major antisocial networks all the way up to 40 meters of depth
d)     and some renegades are preparing to streamline and minimize already spartan SCUBA gear and do some pure, good old diving

Probably you somehow figured out, that I am in a very deep and passionate love – hate relationship with e- and i-gadgets.
Yes, I do hate anything that distracts me from real life.
And I would really love to know how to get rid of all these junk :)

Am I really a hard-core diving caveman unable to use any sophisticated tool?
No, not really.
I use a spoon to devour delicious noodle soup, however, I do not carry the spoon with me all the time as a talisman :)
I use internet to read emails (sometimes I even send an answer), to publish these posts…
I use electrical light to read in the evenings.
And for the rest I use my 5+1 senses :)

From time to time it is good to get rid of anything you don’t really need in this life.
Gadgets, worries, wrong relationships, burdens, empty pleasures, stupid expectations, better than Jones’s syndrome…
Travel light.
From time to time don your scuba gear, immerse in the blue, and let your soul embrace the universe…

Thursday, May 3, 2012

West meets East, Part I

Sorry, your iPad is broken...

This smiling girl has just dropped your precious iPad. Her smile is getting wider and wider. Why?

a)      because she enjoys at your display of your extremely negative feelings
b)      because she believes she saved you from being a slave to one of your e(vil)-devices
c)      because she is an undercover Apple salesperson and wants to sell you a new iPad 3
d)     because she wants to lessen your aggravation with her smile

Answer d sounds crazy enough to be the correct one.
Maybe it has something to do with a cultural difference...?

Imagine I step on your sore toe by accident. Pain and frustration will turn your face into an ugly mask.
I will try to mimic your expression and utter words such as »Terribly sorry, it must really hurt...«
We will both work hard to bring the feeling of your pain and your aggravation to maximum.
When you will feel bad enough for being stepped on and I will feel miserable enough for my clumsiness, we will both be satisfied.

If something like this happens in Bali, the one causing the offence knows he or she can not undo it.
Therefore what he / she can do is to shorten the time of your pain, frustration, aggravation...
Hopefully, a gentle, apologizing, warm smile could slow down your train of thoughts which is already speeding towards destination aaargh.
And a Westerner not used to this pattern of interaction will think “And now you even enjoy at the misery you caused!!!”
And more he goes ballistic, wider the smile of a Balinese is :)

These are situations when we can submerge into different culture, different perception, different world...
And if we successfully absorb a little of this in our hearts, this is all what visiting Bali is about.